Figuring everything out

By kherr95 Latest Activity May 31 at 1:30 pm Views 652 Replies 1

kherr95

Helloooo!
I'm Kami, I've been struggling with mild depression for a couple months now. Kaiser told me I had symptoms of mild depression through a self assessment on their website. I've just been noticing that my behavior has changed over the course of a year. I was much happier everything felt brighter, I didn't have to worry about things. I did have a breakdown thinking about not graduating on time. I am completely over that, and understand that it isn't the end of the world if you don't graduate on time.

I'm not entirely sure what event or specific thing started to change my overall mental behavior during this year span. Only one friend knows the extent of how sad I've been. She noticed it and asked if I was okay, knowing that I probably wasn't.

I've noticed these changes most when I was left alone, I have a roommate and we share the room. She would leave for the weekend and I would just start feeling sad and didn't know what to do most of the time. I would like to think I am dependent but I hate saying goodbye. I experienced a similar feeling when I would spend a ton of time with my roommate but when her gf stayed for the weekend I wouldn't see much of her.
I just thought it was because I was left alone then I started feeling sad a lot of the time. If I was in a bad mood there was no getting out of it. Sometimes when I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep I would get so frustrated and cry. I cry when I'm mad, sad, frustrated, etc.

My friends described me as sunshine, and I definitely don't hold that title anymore. I don't feel bright, carelessly happy, or feel like I laugh a lot anymore.
I don't feel like I have motivation to do things, especially when it came to my school work. My assignments got done, but I wasn't super determined, I just knew they would get done eventually. I don't have much inspiration these days, I don't feel like the creative person I once was. I just feel stuck. I understand that things will get better eventually, and I should probably see a psychologist about my problems. The thing with that is, currently only my best friend/roommate knows about the way I've been feeling. I'm not sure about the response I would get from my mom. we're not into feelings much, but she obviously loves me. She just doesn't notice anything is wrong. I'm worried about the cost of treatment, and if insurance is any help. I shouldn't lie about this to my mom but idk, it's just something we wouldn't discuss on any given day.
I know I can't go to my friend for advice every time I'm feeling sad, I know she supports me but I shouldn't have to put this weight on her.

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  • Dr GaryCA June 3 at 10:59 pm   

    HI Kami, it's really nice to meet you. I am glad you found your way to Depression Connect. Everybody here gets what you are going through because they are on same path. Sounds like have a lot going on, which you described so well. I really encourage you to get some help from a mental health professional. Getting some counseling could help a lot in terms of helping you to sort out what's going on with you and talk about some ways to cope. Most insurance programs cover some kind of mental health treatment. You can go to the website of your insurance company to learn more about their coverage, or call the number on the back of your card. Your insurance company will also have a list of mental health providers on their site. Take good care of yourself, my friend, and stay in touch. You are not alone.

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