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By Mrs.Rosales Latest Activity August 3 at 3:51 pm Views 538 Replies 2

Mrs.Rosales

Hi I have been suffering from depression since in Middle school. i am now married and have 2 wonderful girls from 2 different dad. i married a man who was in prison before he is alone like i am so i thought i have all this love to give and he needs love so i thought it would work out. turns out i have been having more suicidal thoughts now that i am with him because of how he is, don't take me wrong he helps me around the house and with both girls but he has a negative temper and as much as i try to be positive he is the opposite. i tried going to church and praying but then when i go and we get into an argument well i do curse at him so when i start going he calls me hypocrite and says what is the reason of me going to church so i stop going. We keep arguing becuase my olderst daughter is kinda hard headed but i do not want her to think i don't have her back. I let him put down some rules and she doesn't go along with it so she ends up getting in trouble, no ice cream and if she keeps doing it we take away something she likes after that she says I'm mean and goes away after that I talk with her and it's only to help her grow to an intelligent lady because in the real world you treat others like you want to be treated and i also tell her she does a great job at school, home shouldn't be an issue right.. so i bought this behavioral chart that helps and when she behaves i give her a star she's been doing good so far so we shall see now. she is in summer and she wanted to go to her dads but my husband said no because he gave me hell when we first got together i am not like that i came form a family that was messed up and my mom did not let me see my dad so i do not want the same thing for her. i do not like retaliation but he seems to be right. mind you we live in the bay area where rent is out the window and we were going to move somewhere cheaper and her dad did not let us so he's stressed us out before, taken us to court and all that drama. so that happened and then other family drama so i have been trying to survive i often feel like just killing myself but i know that i need to be there for my daughters i can't just leave them. but how do i control the suicidal thoughts like if they would not pop into my head i'd be good.

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Replies (2 replies)

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  • the rising
    the rising August 20 at 10:02 am   

    Hey Take care of yourself

  • Dr GaryCA August 5 at 1:02 pm   

    Hi Mrs.Rosales, I am glad you found your way to our supportive community. I am really sorry to hear you are dealing with so much. It is a lot to live with all of this conflict in your house, I am sure. I have to say that you sound like a wonderful mother, and your daughters are fortunate to have you. It sounds like you are trying hard to be a supportive mom, and doing everything you can to give your daughters a start in life. I know it's not easy when you didn't come from a supportive family yourself, and have men in your life who throw roadblocks in the way of your peace of mind. As you said, you are living with a lot of stress. Are you getting any support? I know this is the usual line of advice from a therapist, but here goes anyway. Are you talking with a mental health professional? It could really help a lot to be able to meet with a counselor and talk about what's going on at home, to get some additional perspective, and some ideas for how to cope. You might check out the resources through however you receive your healthcare coverage. I hope you have other people in your life, friends or family, who can provide a listening ear. When you're feeling depressed, it's so important not to isolate yourself. Don't go through this alone. And I encourage you to do things that make you feel better, including going back to church if that is helpful to you. Make yourself a priority. I am keeping you in my thoughts, my friend. I hope you will stay in touch with us. Let us know how you're doing.

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