Old demons (self harm trigger warning)

By Meran Latest Activity September 29 at 2:01 pm Views 152 Replies 2

Meran

I never thought I'd still be in this place, after all these years. You think you've moved on from something but suddenly find yourself right back there, with all the old feelings, albeit less intense.

I am fighting to re-anchor, but before that I have to fight some very old demons - particularly the one whispering in my ear that cutting would help. I haven't done that in a long time, over a year. I thought I was past it, especially at my age. I've worked so hard to not go there. But these past two weeks, all I want to do is bleed. I'm bleeding inside anyway.

I want my blades so badly right now, my palms are sweating.

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Replies (2 replies)

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  • Dr GaryCA October 6 at 2:47 pm   

    HI Meran, it's nice to see you, my friend. I am sorry to read that you are struggling right now. Thanks for taking the time to share this with us. I am wondering if you can remember what helped you to cope the last time you felt this way, if there was something you did to help yourself, or someone who helped you. You may have some resources you can use again. Is that possible? Also, I just have to give you the advice I would give anyone in your situation. This is a good time to connect with a mental health professional who can help you to cope during this rough time. I hope you wont be self-critical. This is a time to give yourself some encouragement and to take good care of yourself. I hope you will keep us posted on how you're doing. You are not alone.

  • Clementheart
    Clementheart October 4 at 9:45 am   
    Edited October 4 at 9:59 am by Clementheart

    I'm so sorry for your pain and suffering. I really hope and pray that you can have the strength to not cut. When we are in the heart of feeling despair and hopeless, it's incredibly difficult to remember important things like, "I am a person of great worth, I'm just struggling deeply right now" or "I know things will get better, it's just really bad right now." I also hope that you can try and focus on healthy ways of helping yourself… are you working with your doctor by chance? Have you had success in the past with talking to a counselor or taking a medication that has helped some? Other things that have helped me at times are: having a good "heart to heart" talk with my husband or mom about what I am feeling, pushing myself to be active even when I don't feel like it sometimes (I have found that I love to run), trying to cut down on my sugar intake (hard for me when I'm feeling depressed), and trying to get more sleep. Some of these things are easier said than done for sure, but I have found that they have helped me in the past. Sometimes you just need someone to say "don't ever ever give up." Please do whatever you need to do to take the best care of yourself. Best wishes friend.

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