Please help me out from my depression

By emogz3 Latest Activity October 30 at 6:17 am Views 200 Replies 1

emogz3

I'm under depression. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I'm not completely myself. It took me this long year to understand who I am and what I am. Since my childhood, I behaved like boys. No one bothered to change my attitude. Things changed after hitting puberty. I hate boobs and was very uncomfortable with it. I used to wear binders under my t-shirts. After seeing an ftm documentary, I noticed many similarities. That was the moment I realized I'm not a female but I'm a man inside. I wanted to scream out to the world that I'm a man but was afraid of the acceptance of the family and the society. These thoughts haunted me like a hell. I couldn't sleep properly. All I was thinking of ways to get out of this feminine body. This has lead to anxiety disorder at first. Later when I shared my feelings with the family, everyone started avoiding me. I started living all alone in Mississauga. That was the turning point of my life. I met a girl and I fell in love with her. We became best friends and I proposed her. She was shocked by this move and I told her that I'm not complete female. After hearing this, she left me. I was shattered. I didn't know what to do. I fall into depression. I started taking medications but there was no change in my condition. So my therapist advised me to undergo ftm surgery procedure from my province ( http://www.ftmtopsurgery.ca/ftm-procedures/ ). He told me that I might get a relief after doing so. I don't know if I will be alright. Why can't they consider that the blood running our veins are red too?

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  • Dr GaryCA November 1 at 11:39 pm   

    HI emogz3, it's really great to meet you. I am so glad you found your way to our supportive community. I really appreciate your honesty here. I can see that you have been through so much, questioning your identity, finding your way to your true self. As you know, this is a journey, taken one step at a time. I am sorry you have not had a lot of support from your family, and have had some negative experiences with people who didn't understand you. It is good to know you have a therapist. I was going to encourage you to seek out a therapist to work with. And it sounds like your therapist is encouraging you to consider your options. It might help to meet other people who are have questioned their gender identity, some who have chosen surgery, others who have not. I think it could help you a lot to meet people and learn more about their journeys, if you haven't already. I would also encourage you to get more educated on this procedure — sounds like you are also doing this. This is a journey taken one step at a time. You don't have to make a decision right away. Give yourself time, talk about this in therapy, talk to other people who can share their experiences, keep doing your research. And search your heart. By the way, it can take some time, some trial and error, lots of patience, to get to a depression medication regimen that works for you. So I hope you will continue to work closely with your doctor. You are not alone, my friend. I hope you will stay in touch with us.

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