Allow me to introduce myself...

By Tommy420 Latest Activity January 7 at 5:13 pm Views 485 Replies 2


My name is Tom, I just turned 47 (ouch) and I am undiagnosed but believe I have depression and anxiety issues. I've been unemployed for the past three months. I don't have many hobbies nor do I have many friends. I believe this is a direct result of my depression and age. I can't afford therapy and my current health care doesn't cover it.

I feel like I've no idea how to start looking for help because when I'm not hit with a wave of depression and or panic I feel like everything is cool. I know it's a self-defeating process but I don't know how to break it. The one time I did try to look for help I was told by more than one psych that they were not accepting new patients. It sounds silly but that was a little insulting to me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm afraid that the place I'm in right now is going to keep me from finding a job, friends, or any sort of life.

I find it a bit frustrating talking to people about depression because, and I know this sounds selfish, but the focus seems to shift from me and it's at those times that I do discuss how I'm feeling that I need to be the center of focus. Then there's always the discussion that results in the others shrug of the shoulders and a "don't know what to tell you."

I guess what I'm looking for right now is someone to point me in the right direction of help. I just don't know where to look right now,

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Replies (2 replies)

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  • Dr GaryCA January 11 at 10:22 pm   

    Hi Tommy,

    It's really great to meet you. I am so glad you found your way to Depression Connect.

    I felt really sad when I read your post. I am sorry to hear you are in need of support and can't get it. Here is a link to an article I wrote awhile back that might be at least somewhat helpful:

    If you are not working, then at some point you may be eligible for Medicaid, which generally covers mental health. I suspect you have looked into this already, but just wanted to mention that.

    If you have a university close by, you may be able to access mental health services through a training clinic.

    You might check out community mental health services in your area.

    And the National Alliance on Mental Health lists local support groups on their website,

    And I know what you mean about providers not taking new clients. Many psychiatrists are no longer accepting health insurance patients, and therapists who take health insurance may be very busy. This is frustrating, I agree. It often takes many phone calls to finally get connected with a provider.

    Other people are not always very helpful when you try to talk to them about depression. They often feel like they should try to fix you and, since they don't know how they to do that, they may cut off the conversation or kind of run away. You are not alone in this experience. But again, I am sorry you are not getting support.

    I hope you will keep advocating for yourself. Help is out there. And I hope you will stay in touch with us. Let us know how you are doing. You are not alone.


  • mane19
    mane19 January 11 at 11:33 am   

    Hi Tom,

    If there's any chance to afford therapy even if only 4 sessions (1 per week for a month), do it. But go to a CBT certified therapist. It helps because you have some support, encouragement and accountability and that's so undervalued when it comes to digging yourself out of depression and anxiety. Being able to vent without filter is also a undervalued feature of therapy. You seem like you're experiencing at least a moderate, if not a severe depression, and therapy just helps speed things up and keeps you

    If you can't do therapy: CBT exercises have really helped me by giving me tools to apply to my day to day life, and very slowly but consistently see results. I highly recommend a book called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.

    It explained depression and anxiety in a way more direct way than I had heard before, and it gave me clear guidelines on how to begin and stick to it and I started to see results.

    It's hard to keep at it, sometimes the dumbest things like feeling better will make you relax and stop doing the exercises, and lead you back to this hellhole. So watch out for that!

    Also, look into high functioning depression. That's what I believe I have, and from what you mentioned about feeling like everything is cool until hit by a wave, I think you might fall in the same category.

    The hardest part with depression is actually getting yourself to start. It has such a f*cked up hold on you, that you feel hopeless against it and it makes it really hard to actually jump into action. But what I have noticed has helped is starting to change my behaviors. Trying to change my thoughts feels impossible, but doing one positive thing for 10 minutes isn't. Even if it doesn't seem to help, even if it makes me feel ridiculous for trying. It eventually leads me in the right direction.

    Try to block out all your thoughts and just do a small task like cleaning the dishes, or taking a walk, just something that is small and short. Then try something else, and so on and so forth. Make it a challenge. Don't allow yourself to think, just start.

    You've got this! Don't allow yourself to pay attention to your thoughts right now. They are not you, and are not helping. Try to keep that in your mind. These self-harming thoughts about how you're not good enough, how you're worthless, how you've f*cked everything up, they are the depression and the anxiety not letting you think. Try to block those out and just do. Just act. Don't think, just do.

    Anyways, not sure if this is what you were looking for, but it helped me remind myself of what's worked for me before. Thanks for posting the question. It helped me calm down a bit from the job app rejection I just received. I needed this, so thanks! I hope this helps in some way.

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