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By bunnylady2007 Latest Activity March 28 at 10:29 pm Views 742 Replies 4 Likes 1

bunnylady2007

… as the saying goes.

I have a hard time talking about my depression with friends and family. It's just so personal to me. Oddly, though I have an easier time talking about it with strangers. And anonymity. I guess I still feel a degree of shame around my depression. On an intellectual level I know I shouldn't. It's a bonafide disorder and I'm not weak for succumbing to it. That's what my intellect says.

Of course that's not what I feel. I actually thought I had everything under control until my doctor's assessment at my annual check up indicated I was severely depressed. I feel like a failure for not kicking it so to speak and have just spiraled downward further in the last month since that appointment.

Again, I know I shouldn't feel this way but lo and behold I do.

So that's where I'm at. Not sure where to go from here. Good times.

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Replies (4 replies)

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  • Floret
    Floret June 26 at 1:15 pm   

    With you on that. I do not speak to people about mine because I simply don't want to talk about it. I just want to keep moving forward. The one time I told my (ex)best friend, she basically used it as an excuse of why I got upset every time she made fun of my breast size or skin color.
    I have not given up on friendship, but I too do not wish to congregate around my condition.

  • Dr GaryCA April 3 at 11:06 pm   

    Hi bunnylady, great to meet you and welcome to Depression Connect. Depression is a mental illness and, like a physical illness, it's not something you chose. And it's not something to be ashamed of. Historically, there has been a lot of stigma around mental illness but, fortunately, that is changing. People are being educated, for one thing. And they have family and friends who are experiencing mental illness. Sounds like your doctor assessed your for depression, it's always good to know that doctors are paying attention to not only physical but emotional issues and are making sure their patients get the help they need. Your depression is not a personal failure. And the bravest thing is to recognize you need help and to reach out for it. So I hope you are getting some help. And keep in mind that millions of people who are living with depression are doing well in their lives because of treatment. Depression is treatable! I hope you are taking good care of yourself, my friend. And I hope you will stay in touch with us. You are not alone.

  • bunnylady2007
    bunnylady2007 April 9 at 7:38 am   

    Thanks Dr. G,

    Intellectually, I know all this. I just have a very hard time taking this intellectual knowledge and applying it to my own life, especially at work. I try to remain professional, which is difficult in a workplace with a bunch of artsy types who share way more information than I personally think is appropriate for a workplace. It's also a very gossipy company, so I know the minute someone learns about something, everyone at the company will know about it. I've also been having a hard time performance wise and I just can't shake the feeling that telling my boss I have depression is a cop out. I've always taken so much pride in keeping my professional life separate from my personal life. To admit that my depression may play a role in my poor performance is frankly terrifying. I'd rather my boss just think I'm terrible at my job.

    Bunny Lady

  • Dr GaryCA April 28 at 9:07 am   

    Hey Bunny Lady, thanks so much for getting back to me. I had a feeling you were probably already aware of what I told you in my note. Intellectual level is a good way to say it. And I understand your concerns about being in a gossipy workplace. What I would recommend is getting some help with your depression. What you are experiencing is treatable. You don't have to tell anyone you are in treatment unless you choose to. It's your information to share or not to share. I hope you will keep me posted on how you're doing.

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