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By bunnylady2007
March 28 at 10:29 pm
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… as the saying goes.
I have a hard time talking about my depression with friends and family. It's just so personal to me. Oddly, though I have an easier time talking about it with strangers. And anonymity. I guess I still feel a degree of shame around my depression. On an intellectual level I know I shouldn't. It's a bonafide disorder and I'm not weak for succumbing to it. That's what my intellect says.
Of course that's not what I feel. I actually thought I had everything under control until my doctor's assessment at my annual check up indicated I was severely depressed. I feel like a failure for not kicking it so to speak and have just spiraled downward further in the last month since that appointment.
Again, I know I shouldn't feel this way but lo and behold I do.
So that's where I'm at. Not sure where to go from here. Good times.
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Dr GaryCA April 3 at 11:06 pm0 Likes
Hi bunnylady, great to meet you and welcome to Depression Connect. Depression is a mental illness and, like a physical illness, it's not something you chose. And it's not something to be ashamed of. Historically, there has been a lot of stigma around mental illness but, fortunately, that is changing. People are being educated, for one thing. And they have family and friends who are experiencing mental illness. Sounds like your doctor assessed your for depression, it's always good to know that doctors are paying attention to not only physical but emotional issues and are making sure their patients get the help they need. Your depression is not a personal failure. And the bravest thing is to recognize you need help and to reach out for it. So I hope you are getting some help. And keep in mind that millions of people who are living with depression are doing well in their lives because of treatment. Depression is treatable! I hope you are taking good care of yourself, my friend. And I hope you will stay in touch with us. You are not alone.
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bunnylady2007 April 9 at 7:38 am0 LikesThanks Dr. G,
Intellectually, I know all this. I just have a very hard time taking this intellectual knowledge and applying it to my own life, especially at work. I try to remain professional, which is difficult in a workplace with a bunch of artsy types who share way more information than I personally think is appropriate for a workplace. It's also a very gossipy company, so I know the minute someone learns about something, everyone at the company will know about it. I've also been having a hard time performance wise and I just can't shake the feeling that telling my boss I have depression is a cop out. I've always taken so much pride in keeping my professional life separate from my personal life. To admit that my depression may play a role in my poor performance is frankly terrifying. I'd rather my boss just think I'm terrible at my job.
Bunny Lady
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