anxiety over son and daughter in law about grandchild

By katybird Latest Activity May 18 at 10:35 am Views 276 Replies 1

katybird

I have lived in the same town as my son for 3 years and have spent a lot of time having my grand daughter over night of Fridays and staying until noon the next day. I have taken care of her at her home while mom and dad go out.. I have picked her up and taken her places… just recently I have been asking the adults to pick her up earlier, 10:00 on a Saturday because I have plans with some girl friends I have made … this has only happened two times in the last three months.. they told me last night that they will just keep her home on Fridays when I want them to pick her up that early… that they don't want to have to come that early. I was devastated.. I talked to him and he said it didn't do them any good when they had to get her so early…they might as well leave her home . I had an anxiety attack after they left and another since then… it has been almost a year since the last one… I don't know what to do… not make plans for a Saturday if it starts before noon? I feel like I am only relevant if it is convenient for them… I have them for dinner every Wednesday. thanks for listening. any thoughts welcome.

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  • Dr GaryCA May 30 at 4:33 pm   

    HI katybird,

    It's great to meet you. Glad you are here.

    Sorry to hear this happened to you. What I find in my work as a therapist is that sometimes adult children still expect their parents to their children's needs in front of their own, and can be very demanding and not very flexible. I almost feel like adult children say to themselves, "What! You're not supposed to have a life!"

    When that happens, they can behave in a very unkind manner.

    But the parents may also just feel like they need their rest on Saturday morning, and not want to have to get up and around and drive someplace.

    I am wondering if you had considered any alternatives.

    I don't know whether you drive or not, but would it be possible for you to drop her off at their house on the way to getting together with your friends.

    Also, I am wondering if you might arrange to have her visit on any weekends when you don't have plans.

    It's always hard to change a routine, especially one that you enjoy. but there might be a middle road here somewhere.

    I also have to ask: Are you seeing a therapist? Having someone to talk to about situations like this could really help a lot. Just sitting down and sorting things out with an objective listener.

    Glad to hear you are getting together with friends. We all need balance in our lives, and friends are so important.

    I hope you will stay in touch. Let us know how you're doing.

    Gary

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