Denial vs. Acceptance

By Deborah1977 Latest Activity June 20 at 11:46 am Views 452 Replies 1

Deborah1977

I'm experiencing symptoms of anxiety again which brings along its lovely friend, depression. I can't say I'm in a full blown bout again, but things are getting harder to manage.

Its been about 1 1/2 years since my last serious bout with major depression and anxiety. A lot of that was due to medication side effects of over 30 rx adjustments in 13 months. Antidepressants make a person like me suicidal-that's not me.

Today I am feeling hopeless. I can't get away from this demon. I feel shameful, alone, and afraid. As appealing as not existing sounds, I also very much enjoy my life when I am not like this. What I am most afraid of is putting my family through this yet again: my husband and 6 year old son.

I've reached out to my new health care provider and will be seeing a new therapist today (LCSW) today. There were no options for a psychologist today. So, here I go again. Or maybe not?

Maybe I can come up with a new plan to manage. All I can think of right now is to find a remote job and travel to another location when I'm like this. I don't want to divorce and I don't want to leave my family, but what else can I do to protect them from me?

Mindfulness says to face what we are feeling and allow ourselves to experience it. Sometimes I think this is worse than giving anxiety/depression the time or day. But, I still do it at times and today I'm grieving. I don't want to stop my life and deal with this whenever it feels like surfacing.

My faith tells me to not 'claim' these lies of hopelessness, despair, inadequacy, etc. I'm not my anxiety or depression. Don't give in to it. I feel stuck.

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  • Dr GaryCA July 4 at 9:52 pm   

    Hey Deborah, it's great to meet you. I am glad you are here. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now. Yes, anxiety and depression can unfortunately go hand in hand. I am glad you found a therapist, that is a good start. If you haven't got this underway, I hope you will soon. Therapy can help you by giving you the objective perspective of a mental health professional, who can help you to learn some new coping skills. That could help a lot. And just give you some additional emotional support. What I think mindfulness teaches us is to not fight our feelings, but also to recognize their impact on us and to accept the need to reach out for help. And that's the first step toward getting better. You have taken that step? Depression tells us that the situation is hopeless, but that is the depression talking. It's not reality. What you are experiencing is treatable. I hope you will keep us posted on how you're doing. You are not alone!

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