2012 double whammy ending

By Anonymous Latest Activity July 12 at 7:54 pm Views 820 Replies 3


I lost my wife of 20 years in October 2012 to a long term illness, six short weeks later lost my father to a sudden heart attack. This year will be six years with out them, I could lie and say it's been easy but, its been a living nightmare. My residence was my wife's childhood home, we lived there through 19 years of our relationship with her parents. It has never felt like 'my home' to me, she made me promise to continue caring for her parents after he passing which I did up until her father passed in 2015 and then her surviving sister took mom to live with her. I've been alone in that house for three years now. I'm committed to a mortgage on this place that I dread going to the memories flood back and take me to the dark recesses of my mind. My friend of 35 years tells me to sell it but, I just don't know what to do.

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  • KngBuster
    KngBuster July 30 at 8:14 am   

    your story is close to mine in that I lost my wife of 15 years to cancer after a long battle at the age of 41, 4 months later my father died, my grandmother shortly before that and my dog had to be put to sleep. My mother has cancer and is bipolar like me. I live in the house where she died at home in hospice. It's far away from my job in the city (DC) . Very isolated. Old too, 48 single, not pretty. No support, some reliable friends though… I can't complain about that. I don't know what to either Anonymous. My house is underwater, I have a monsterous commute (that I only signed up for to give my wife and me our own house). Very difficult times. Just went back on lithium in Feb, thank god it worked. Wellburtion too, again thank god. just sharing my situation

  • Dr GaryCA July 23 at 3:59 pm   

    Hey! Glad you checked in. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, I know this was a devastating loss for you. And to have lost your father right before. So much for you to deal with. And it must also have been hard for you to honor her wishes to care for her parents, in a home you were not comfortable in. What I encourage you to do is to take your time making this decision, talk it out with people who are willing to listen, weigh out your thoughts and feelings. Be patient with yourself. If you are not already seeing a therapist, talking with an objective professional could also help. You will make the decision when you are ready. I hope you will keep us posted on how you're doing. Take good care of yourself.

  • Millertyme925
    Millertyme925 July 19 at 12:24 pm   

    Sounds like you need a fresh start, it will be scary but I think you should move. Find your own space. You will feel so proud once you have accomplished this big change. Ask your friend to help you because you will need someone to lean on. You have more life to live, don't waste it. You've waited long enough. Losing your life partner is devastating, she wouldn't want you to give up. That's just my observation as an outsider. I wish you happiness.

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