Depression, Introducing self, fell into a hole again.

By BrieCamo Latest Activity July 15 at 9:28 pm Views 224 Replies 3

BrieCamo

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum site. I am here to gain more support as I feel that I've fallen into the hole again. For two months I've been feeling at my worst, and it just takes so long to receive services. I started seeking out to see a psychiatrist since last year, and I am finally seeing one tomorrow- and finally am seeing a therapist after a month of waiting. Its been so hard for me especially in the morning; I wake up feeling hopeless, beyond depressed, and not wanting to do anything anymore. It took me so long just to get my laundry out of the dryer today and to just get dressed. Everything that use to enjoy now seem like really huge projects. I would lie down and feel like throwing up. Sometimes my heart would start racing. I couldn't even handle my own body anymore. The other day I wanted to give up life and disappear. I was even debating whether I should write a death note and carry out a plan. I have been in the psychiatric department before for SI.

A little bit more about me- I went through a breakup and resigned from work about a month ago. Prior to this I was transitioning jobs and my dad was in the hospital because of an infection. I think all that had happened exacerbated my depressive and anxious feelings. Ironically, I am also in the social work field; I have a master's in social work and am currently registered under BBS as an associate clinical social worker. The job that I've been doing has also been a huge factor to my anxiety and depression. The clinical/ therapy work and being in such a low paying position really gets to me. I was never really good at self-care and have been doing this work with such a low self-esteem. Right now I'm moping around and going through interviews. I just don't know what to do in order to get back up again. I don't know what to do in order to get out of this cycle.

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Replies (3 replies)

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  • Nikki1129
    Nikki1129 July 25 at 3:20 pm   

    Hi Brie. I am new here as well. I have always described my depression as a hole too. Right now, I have hit bottom and can’t even see the light. It is SO hard to get help. I’m glad you finally got appointments. I really hope they can provide the care and comfort you need. You aren’t alone.

  • Dr GaryCA July 23 at 3:56 pm   

    Hi Brie, it's really great to see you. Thanks for sharing what's been going on with you. Your post is a good example of just how difficult it can be to get connected with a mental health professional. There aren't enough resources available, especially for people who are relying on insurance or a public health program. But your post is also a great example of resilience. You have been a true advocate for yourself, you recognized the need to get help and you did what you needed to do to find it. I know this wasn't an easy process. I am preaching to the choir here, I know, but I hope you will take good care of yourself day by day, focus on your physical and emotional wellness, stay supported, do things that you enjoy. Us mental health professionals are certainly not exempt from emotional challenges, and I think our work can leave us exhausted and overwhelmed. We all need to care for the caregiver. So sorry you have had so much to deal with. I hope you will stay in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.

  • Donrsantos
    Donrsantos July 16 at 10:39 pm   

    Hi BrieCamo, don't feel bad. A lot of people are suffering from anxiety and depression. You can try other treatments that you haven't tried.

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