Today I had another miscarriage.

By spiritsoulflower Latest Activity July 24 at 10:14 pm Views 427 Replies 1

spiritsoulflower

Hello, I use to visit this site years back during an abusive time in my life. I had reached out when affording a therapist was no longer an option. I hope me coming back here could help me.

Today, I lost another unborn baby. Last Sunday, I had noticed blood spotting. Which then terrified me of losing my growing child. I had read up on the possibilities of affects from bleeding in the first trimester. Said it could be a normal thing that happens at the beginning of the first trimester and possibly through the whole nine months. I reminded myself that my doctors appointment is today, Tuesday at 1:30pm. Monday came I was still bleeding a bit and my body began to feel horribly cramps. By then I'm trying my best to keep me from stressing myself out knowing it could make matters worse. Tuesday, today came around, nervous as I am to visit the doctor.. Did not turn out to be positive visit I was hoping for.

My body wasn't able to support my baby. So in result, I had a miscarriage. As soon as the doctor revealed my unfortunate turn of events. I immediately balled up and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Knowing I may never able to have more kids again. Especially with the love of my life.

My boyfriend came to the doctors with me. He knew I was afraid of what was to come. For some reason, I knew my body had given up before her did. My felt like it was changing back to what it was before. When my doctor gave me the news. The doctor and the nurse did their best to comfort me and left my boyfriend and me alone so he could try to comfort me. I could hardly look at him. Though he knew there was nothing we could do and repeating to me this is not my fault. I could not help but to believe that it's my fault my body couldn't support this little human being that's inside of me.

We left the doctors office. Still hard me for me not shed a tear. Knowing I had to come home to my child and try my best to keep my cool. Thankfully my boyfriend only lives a few houses down. Which gave me some time to comprehend what this day had in stored for me. I called my work and told my boss of the horrid news. She gave me some time off to mend the pain I have to deal with. I am thankful to have a good work family that is willing to help me get through this rough time. I wouldn't be able to face my coworkers anyways since some knew of the pregnancy.

Anyways, I went on about my day doing my best not to cry and beat myself up too much. I went to sleep in my boyfriends bed to keep myself from going insane. I drank hot cocoa and ate a giant cinnamon to comfort me in the most desperate times.

I finally came home to my son and my parents. Telling my parents of the nightmare of my afternoon. They both did their best to comfort me. So did my son, although he did not know of my pregnancy. I didn't want to get his hopes up since he wants a sister so badly. It's good to know I have loving physical emotional physical support here. Entirely though, my head. I can't seem to keep myself from falling apart and breaking down in tears.

My venting for today. I'm sorry I wrote so much. I had to get it out of me.

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  • Dr GaryCA July 26 at 9:34 am   

    Hi spiritsoulflower, I am so sorry to hear your news. I know how devastating this is for you. When we experience a loss, we go through a grieving process, we each grieve in our own way, and it takes however long it takes. So I hope you will let yourself feel how you feel, cry when you need to cry. It sounds like you have a lot of good support, family, boyfriend, and your boss. That's good. I encourage you to talk things out, tell the story as often as you need to. Get lots of support in the days ahead. I hope you will keep in touch with us, my friend. Let us know how you are doing. I will keep you in my thoughts.

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