Trying not to think that I'd be better off dead

By Tom142857 Latest Activity September 19 at 1:47 pm Views 336 Replies 1

Tom142857

I hate to start posting negatively, but I've been dealing with anxiety, PTSD, and depression for so many decades that I know of no other way to view the world. Things have gotten much worse since I left teaching 5 years ago. I've bounced from job to job until I landed one that pays well but demands tons of OT and is based on swing shift so I never see my family. They are the only reason I am still alive. They need me to provide money, but my job is dangerous, stressful, and destroys me emotionally every day. I know I should just "cowboy up" and be a man and quit whining about how hard things are, but I think about suicide many many times a day but I am afraid of the financial mess I will leave my family. I am running out of time and energy to fight this fight.

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  • Dr GaryCA September 20 at 12:59 pm   

    Tom, it's great to meet you. Really glad you are here. And please don't worry about posting negative, Depression Connect is a come as you are kind of place. We want to know what's going on with you. Sounds like you ae in a tough place, in a job you don't like, with bad hours, and not enough time to spend with your family. But, as you said, you need the money. You sure aren't alone, I talk about similar situations with my clients. I don't think you are whining. Not at all. I think it's really important to have emotional support. So I hope you have people in your life who are willing to listen to you. I think it would help to vent when you need to. It could also be helpful to sit down with a counselor and talk things out, and strategize for a way forward. I suspect you are keeping your options open for other opportunities for a new job. I know it's not easy to land a good-paying job, but you might feel better if you knew you are at least planning your next career move, whatever that might be. A counselor could help you figure that out, too. Take good care of yourself. I know you are not in control of your time, but when you can, find time for rest, quality time with your family, maybe some fun. I hope you will keep us posted. Let us know how you're doing.

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