Anxiety over the Ex.

By Misschrisx89 Latest Activity August 6, 2011 at 4:21 am Views 3,255 Replies 68 Likes 1


I posted a few months back about me and my ex. Today I saw him for the first time in 4 months. He looked good, he told me the same. We closed our joint bank account and then we got into a heated discussion/argument where he point blank told me that he hated the person I had become. OK, fine fair enough, we both made mistakes in the relationship and trust was abused but time has gone, and today I poured my heart to him with guilt and apologies for my wrong-doings yet he yelled in my face that he hated me, there never would be an us ever again, and the pain is unbearable as I love him still and he does not care about me.

He did make me a promise that if I could go 9 months without calling or texting him he would let me see the puppies. (Which to me is a mixed message after he spent so much time and breath telling me, he hated the person I've become, that I am not the person he fell in love with.) I am in alot of pain, and dont know what to do, I have 19 painkiller tables with me, and I feel like swallowing them all and if my body gets through it and I'm still here in the morning it is a sign that I am meant to carry on.

I changed my life for this man, we made choices and lived a life that he no longer cares about, he point blank hates me, and I regret I so regret loosing our baby girl.

I am a mess.
I don't know what to do.

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Replies (68 replies)

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  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 September 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm   

    I pray you didn't take those pills. I see that it still is a burden for you. I wish I could say something, anything to help you dear. My dear new wife and I are going through some things now and it hasn't been easy either. The worst part is that we are still not always together. This two homes living is not healthy. Your mate is angry, sounds very angry and without forgiveness. This will be hard to overcome. I'm not trying to make you feel worse. It is this relationship that will be hard to overcome. Moving on with your life will be a big step if it is needed. I say this because it took many months of pain in my 31 year relationship to see that I was the one getting hurt trying to work it out. I loved this woman so much. She was everything to me. Why didn't I wait? My pain was ruling my life. I prayed and prayed for us and as time went on and the pain stayed within me I had to move on. I asked God to allow me to find someone who would love me back. He new my heart better than I did. I met the most remarkable woman. We have our ups and downs too because of both our past relationships. We have one thing that keeps us going, I true love of God and each other. I don't know you and yet I feel your pain. I can't tell you how much I hope that you and some of the others with this plight are able to work it out as wished. Please remember that it may feel like it but it's not the end of the world if it doesn't. I wouldn't believe that and now know it to be true. God Bless you dear one.

  • becca432
    becca432 September 3, 2011 at 7:07 am   

    im in love with this guy whos absolutly amazing and i love him so much but he doesnt love me back and never will and it hurts so much! all i want to do is hold him in my arms and cry and never let him go but he woudelnt want that

  • wendell_betty07
    wendell_betty07 September 2, 2011 at 5:37 pm   

    sounds like he is still angry.hurt and anger go together.I trie to commit suicide along time ago,believe me its not worth more about yourself than that.find things to do to take your mind off him.i just got a divorce and ive kept thinking for the last 4 months we could work it out.but you have to except the things you cannot change.remember it takes two to make a relationship and two to end its not all your faultevidently he wants the breakup or he would try to work it out.good luck.nobody is worth taking your life.there is life after love.

  • samantha10469
    samantha10469 September 1, 2011 at 12:45 pm   

    All I have to say is this guy is a jerk and I'm sorry u are going through this.

  • Leonard_H
    Leonard_H September 1, 2011 at 10:23 am   

    Young lady, you have not nearly experienced how bad IT CAN GET.

    Imagine if you had children together. Now as a result of your separation, Child Protective Services is involved too. You have NEVER experienced such utter terror and TYRANNY as having THEM involved in your life on top of everything else.

    I can say with great certainty, the CPS fascists WILL make all your other problems melt into insignificance.

    Just be GLAD you didn't have children together. Feel better now?

    Leonard Henderson, co-founder
    American Family Rights
    "Until Every Child Comes Home"©
    "The Voice of America's Families"©

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 September 1, 2011 at 5:26 pm   

    Leonard. We almost had children, I lost a baby and it kills me to this day.

  • Leonard_H
    Leonard_H September 1, 2011 at 6:36 pm   

    I am an old daddy to 10 kids. I delivered every one of mine. Parenting is nowhere nearly as much fun or rewarding as you are imagining it to be. We have several really good kids and a couple of really rotten ones. Parenting now is ALL responsibility, NO rights. What constitutes being a "good" parent is a constantly moving target and the world is out to corrupt, use, and destroy your children and YOU.

    Actually- losing a pregnancy isn't really that serious. Or rare. That's what a lot of "late periods" are. There was something WRONG with the pregnancy. When bad problems don't fall out on their own, then you might give birth to a very SERIOUS, expensive, HEART-BREAKING LIFE-LONG situation. Much, MUCH worse.

    You are tearing yourself up emotionally for NO GOOD REASON.

    I give you permission to stop grieving about it. It really is OK.

    Leonard Henderson, co-founder
    American Family Rights
    "Until Every Child Comes Home"©
    "The Voice of America's Families"©

  • grandmaseven
    grandmaseven September 1, 2011 at 7:32 am   

    Perhaps he was leading a phony life to please you and then couldn't take it any more. You were/are in love with the man you wanted him to be, not who he really is. Been there, done that. We were married twice and divorced twice and then lived together for a while until he threatened to kill me and I found out he had been to a lot of apartments out here trying to get sex while her husband was at work or if they were single. He was even checking out the young teenage girls and he was 52. That's when the light bulb came on and said I am not going to let him make me look like a fool ever again. He packed up and left, haven't heard from him since. Good!

  • RavenWolf01
    RavenWolf01 September 1, 2011 at 8:04 am   

    I tend to agree that moving on is the best thing to do,ok trust takes time,but eventually you will take the step without ever having realised it,time is the healer and friends are the comfort

  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 August 8, 2011 at 3:11 am   

    My wife of 31 years filed for divorce because I put a PI firm on her after confronting her on a relationship with her Pastor. We were separated for nine months at this time and I can tell you LOVE hurts. The pain was more severe than the loss of my son for I had lost my childhood sweatheart. I have only been with two women in my life. My ex and the woman you see next to me. My new mate of only four months. My ex is a good person but had many problems eating at her. This affair was not part of any counseling thing and I do believe her when she says they did not have sex. What they did do was just as bad and was infidelity all the way. It had gone on for seventeen months before I found out. Your mate does want you to feel his pain whether by choice or not. Time will heal this if there is Love because Love does conquer all. I believe this and fought for this marriage but could never pay her price for whatever was troubling her. She said she just gave up. She was very contradictive in all things she said and still contradicts herself in her words to me. I hate to relay this but you may never be able to pay his price. Even though my ex is the one to file I can say I was not completely free of guilt in this. I didn't deserve to be treated like this but you have to put it to rest or it will consume you. I was the only one who wanted this marriage and was the only one to hurt during the times of trying to work on it. If he doesn't want this he will hurt you every time. It may not be on purpose but if he doesn't care you will be the one hurt. I had to move on which was the hardest thing I've ever done. To be honest, even though I love my new wife so much and have no lust or wanting of a relationship with my ex I'm still troubled by what I know was a loss of blessings from God within this marriage. I'm still blessed by my new marriage but I don't know why I sometimes go back to what was out of my control. My new wife and I have so much in common it's scary. We talk about everything and it's refreshing to have that. There is life out there after the loss of a former dear love. I am the living proof. To hurt things even more she told me I should have waited longer. I was divorced and told to move on. Cussed at when I sent a poem or uplifting message. Told of her wanting to vomit because I sent only what I felt was uplifting. It's like all things were misperceived and assumed. I do believe in marriage for life, even if an affair enters the relationship if it can be handled. This Pastor died before she filed and I was blamed for his death. It's all a projection of feelings that they are having now. Meaning your mate and my old one. I hope and pray that he will come to his senses. Through God I was blessed with a fine woman. My prayers for my first marriage were heard but God won't interfere with anyones Free Will. He may have already made his choice not to be in this relationship and I would suggest you find out because the hurt doesn't stop until you know where you stand and even then it can be unbearable. Not trying to scare you but telling you what I found out the hard way. The one who puts the effort in something already decided upon by the other in the opposite way will get hurt until they let go. It's not easy. I may have just lost my job because of my depression over this. This may not have helped you. It appears I've been venting some myself. I wish for you and your marriage and hope it works out. I really know what this feels like.

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 August 8, 2011 at 3:17 am   

    I feel lost and alone. I dont know what to do. I am still in love with him, he knows this and he tells me everytime he hears from me it pisses him off and makes him angry. He is a Christian, he believes in God. I am paying for my wrong doings and I just want to make amends. But all he sees is this horrid person Ive become in his eyes.. It hurts. I hurt
    and I miss him.

  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 August 8, 2011 at 3:26 am   

    If he is a christian man he has to remember to forgive. My child God doesn't eeven see you as a horrid person in his eyes for He sees the heart. If your mate sees this and says it then he is claiming he is better than God. Sorry just being honest with my opinion.

  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 August 8, 2011 at 3:36 am   
    Edited August 8, 2011 at 3:40 am by Brutus83

    I'm sorry if I offended you by saying this. It's just that I want to tell you that God is forgiving and has so much grace and mercy. We forget to forgive others and judge when we shouldn't. In doing this and I include myself in this we actually really saying that we are better than God when we can't forgive others. And I too miss my first wife but not in the same manner any longer. I really don't think that will ever go away. I'll say one more thing. What I was doing that I thought was right to mend my relationship was actually not helping. I thought it was because I wasn't trying hard enough and tried harder with what wasn't going to work.

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 August 8, 2011 at 3:49 am   

    I just am confused by him. One moment it is leave me alone, I hate you, but in 9 months time I can contact him again to retrieve my things and see our dogs. We were going to have a baby together but unfortunate that wasn't to be, and he can stand there and look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't care. I've apologized for my wrong doings, I never cheated on him, I never went on dating sites behind his back while we were together, he tells me he tried and that I should have woken up to it earlier but for months he used me for sex, and when I asked him why he told me he was hurting we were both hurting and that his head was not clear, but once it was he decided that he didnt love me anymore.

  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 August 8, 2011 at 4:42 am   
    Edited August 8, 2011 at 4:59 am by Brutus83

    I was told that same thing, I wasn't loved by my wife of as I said 31 years. That was confusing too. It may be he said this for the same reason it was said to me. She said this out of anger! She has since told me that she did love me but had no love as a spouse for me now. He sounds confused himself. I also after the divorce was declared went on a website called We had been apart for over nine months and I put on my profile that I was interested in meeting someone but I was still in LOVE with my ex wife. That really helped lol. I really didn't want to do it. I got an e-mail one day and clicked on it. It's strange and may be goofy to some but I met my new wife on the site. She understood what I was going through and we e-mailed for two months here and there. I didn't even know what she looked like and only knew her heart at first which was a good thing. I was asked by her if she had ever sent a picture and I said no, if you are not a man we are ok for now:) Our relationship was very slow and she didn't want to get involved with anyone and we met one day and she still avoided talking about a relationship and as she says just watched me and studied me. I still get tickled at this. I fell in love with her first I think and she didn't want me to love her. Now we are stuck up each other's butt and can't stand being apart.
    I would hope absence would allow his heart to open up to you. It only wrecked my marriage to first wife because I always said the wrong thing no matter what it was. I think she had already made the decision that she wasn't coming back but reluctantly wouldn't share this. In a way she is sorry now and at times I wished I had waited for the nine years as was stated by one man who responded to you. The only thing was that I was told she didn't love me and that she would make my life miserable. It's sad that he says he used you for sex. That doesn't sound right to me. I can see where you are confused and don't know where you stand in this. I still haven't gotten any answers on why and may never get any. I wish I could tell you something that would help ease the pain you have.
    I really know how you feel and know I can't give you a writing on how it gets better. I never wanted to hear this and never thought it would. I imagine you are where I was at this time and you need to watch your health both physically and mentally. This was one subject I wished I had never been able to discuss. To say there is at least someone who understands the pain because I wish this pain we have in this on no one.

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 August 8, 2011 at 5:01 am   

    I am going to respect his wishes and give him the space and time he is asking for. I feel if I push anymore, I will end up making it worse. But he shook my hand and made a promise that in 9 months time I could see our dogs and get my stuff I getting my hopes up in thinking maybe just maybe there is more to it than there is? Even though he says he hates me.

  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 August 8, 2011 at 5:25 am   

    I would say you could make it worse by pushing. Not on purpose but because you are trying too hard now. I don't blame you one bit for trying so hard. You may be getting your hopes up by thinking this could be it if I wait the time agreed upon. Just remember the promise was getting your things and visiting the dogs only. I really don't understand the nine months but I hope it is worth the wait. If he does contact before this you might stick to the point of what he wants and be kind. Don't add anything that will give him an excuse for hurting you, it hurts enough I know.

  • Brutus83
    Brutus83 August 8, 2011 at 5:28 am   

    Sometimes when a person stops chasing the other it gets their attention. As long as you are chasing him it's ok for him to act like this. Maybe in this nine months of no contact it will get his attention on what he is missing

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous August 12, 2011 at 11:55 am   

    His hurt is very deep. Write him and ASK him does he want to resolve things for starters. ASK him if he can find in within his heat to forgive you! ASK him, "AS christians don't WE need to try and resolve this? Let him know you love him but if you BOTH can't work together you will still have to work on letting go; However it will take a long time. Remind him no one is perfect, and you will do what ever need to be done to rectify things! Good luck and God Bless you Both!

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 August 6, 2011 at 8:25 pm   

    I just don't understand, I gave him all the time and space in the world before seeing him yesterday and he couldn't give me a mere moment to at least accept the idea that in time people change. People make mistakes and people change. I hurt everyday over the mistakes I made which should show I still care about him. I told him that I wanted to make amends, I wanted to at least see in time if things could be different. Apart of me expected a fairytale reunion. I just feel numb and hurt and cold. I screwed it up, and he cant trust women anymore and it makes me feel horrible.

    I cant contact him for another 9 months he promised me that I could as he still has a bed and mattress of mine. Which he tells me not to hold onto any hope, but the funny thing he lied to me, he was on dating websites when we were together, he used me for sex and his excuse was he was hurting and his head was messed up and he had no intention of hurting me.

    I have so MUCH going on in my head. I dont know what to do.

  • STRONGpuppy
    STRONGpuppy August 6, 2011 at 11:13 am   

    i OBSESSED over my "ex" for some SEVEN YEARS - it was terribl. eventually i just stopped: i think it was TIME, in the end, really. i didn't even fit the STALKING/co-dependent PROFILE: but i DID fit the PERSONALITY DISORDR/MENTAL ILLNESS profile(!)..

  • Duck04
    Duck04 August 6, 2011 at 8:42 pm   

    Exes can be extremely hard to get over especailly first loves and such. very difficult!

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 August 6, 2011 at 8:46 pm   

    I just don't know if I can do anymore than apologize for what I did wrong and leave it be. One moment he is I hate you, leave me alone, then next moment I'm promised I can contact him in 9 months? He hurt me SO bad. But because he needs to walk away looking like the victim he cant open his mind to the possibility that people make mistakes but people change and all it would take would be to get to know me again.

  • Duck04
    Duck04 August 6, 2011 at 8:50 pm   

    You are absolutley right, and what ever you did he is hurting really bad for it and I'm sure he is having word vomit and is very upset right now… If you don't mind me asking.. What DID you do? you don't have to feel comfortable answering if you don't want to but I'm just wondering.

  • Misschrisx89
    Misschrisx89 August 6, 2011 at 9:35 pm   

    I lied to him in regards to seeing a friend he didn't want me to see, but I didn't think having a lunch every now and then was harmless. I also lied about finding conversations with other women and pornography on his computer. I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. But during our relationship, I found him on dating websites, and he promised he'd never do it again 3 months later he was on there again, and he told me he was baiting me to see if I was "snooping" But yet yesterday I never threw one of these things at him, he told me he hates the person Ive become that I tried to blackmail and threaten him when I asked if his family or church knew about our baby. I told him I was VERY sorry for my part, and that I wanted to make amends, he said that he doesn't want to be with me again he doesn't know who I am but he could at least try to get to know me again, but with him wanting me to leave him alone, he is allowing me to contact him in 9 months time in regards to letting me see our dogs and get a few personal items of mine that he still has.

    I feel like a lost cause. I don't know what to do, if to say anything to him…

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