How To Help & Love Yourself... The Power Of Positive Self-Talk

By Learning To Love Yourself Latest Activity January 29, 2011 at 7:45 am Views 4,937 Replies 69 Likes 85

Learning To Love Yourself

I just wanted to share a brief story with you all on an amazing new discovery i made in my life the last few years… that has helped me overcome my depression and feel great 99% of the time…

I know this may sound a little too good to be true, but i really believe it can help you too if you just give it a try…

What was this amazing discovery i made in my life?

Positive self talk.

Or in my case, for the first 25 years of my life, negative self talk!

I read a book from an amazing man who had been $96,000 dollars in debt, but turned his life around with this discovery and had gone on to become a multi-millionaire by starting his own business and get everything he ever wanted in his life. All because of this simple concept.

I've started applying it to my life in the last few years and the difference has been amazing.

I'm MUCH happier and have less (virtually no) mood swings, depression, anger, etc.

And now, if someone says a negative comment about me it goes straight over my head - i know its their issue not mine. Most people who are negative and criticize and are horrible to other people have confidence/self esteem issues of their own…

It is hard at first, well, it was for me anyway because i realized after reading this book that I had been programmed (like most 99.9% of people in this world) to use negative self talk from a young age. Which was detrimental to my success at work, in relationships, in everything in my life! It was REALLY holding me back.

And you probably have too. It could something as simple as a parent telling you "no" or "you can't do that" or "you'll never succeed" at a young age that has been programmed into your subconcious mind - so you think you can't do something, you can't succeed, you're not good enough in a relationship, you're not pretty enough, etc…

But it's simply NOT true. You ARE good enough. You ARE beautiful. You ARE perfect the way you are. And you can SUCCEED at ANYTHING you put your mind to.

Whether it's to beat depression and be live a happy, fulfilling life… to start your own successful business and become rich and never have to work for a boss/company you don't like in a job you don't like… to become a nurse and help people… Whatever you want to achieve in life… you CAN!

Since I've learned the simple principle of positive self-talk, I have been not only the happiest I've ever been and accept myself, but have also made new friends, gone to new places, and am currently starting my own business!

Give it a try, i think you'll be amazed at the results of something so simple…


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Replies (69 replies)

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  • hunapu
    hunapu May 6, 2015 at 10:10 pm   

    WOW - what a success story. Congratulate yourself on your turn around. Hunapu

  • matt169
    matt169 January 18, 2014 at 5:46 pm   

    Easier said than done when you have a deep hatred of yourself :(

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself January 19, 2014 at 9:46 am   

    Absolutely true. I agree with you - it isn't easy and takes a lot of self-awareness and self discipline, but it can me mastered! : )

  • disasn
    disasn November 1, 2015 at 2:50 pm   

    your positive words are very inspiring. I know how long it takes to train your mind to think differently and more positive, it does come, but one must be patient. I turned to reading God's words and the Bible and to know he was with me, created me, and know he takes care of what ever comes my way everyday. Sure I have moments, but what a difference.

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself November 2, 2015 at 2:12 pm   

    I agree with you 100% disasn. And I'd encourage anyone going through difficult or challenging times to hang in there and try to be positive and know that the bad times will pass and before you know it life is better. It takes faith and persistence, but is so worth it. Also, over time you will know how to react positively it different situations. I used to get angry and turn to drink or some other unproductive activity that made things 10 times worse. Now I know to just step back, take a deep breath and trust that I'll do the right thing and react more positively and just let it go (like if some one cuts you up in traffic or is mean to you). And once you behave like this it makes you feel more in control of your life and much more positive - or it least it does for me so I encourage anyone to try it. Nearly 5 years after I wrote this post (in my lowest times) life is so much more positive and I've done more new things and been to more new places than I'd even thought possible, so this stuff really does work. Here's to the good and better times (for all of you!) :)

  • plzhelpMEhelpme
    plzhelpMEhelpme November 5, 2013 at 9:37 pm   

    Thanks for sharing I will give it a try. I usually do the negative talk to myself in my mirror. Hope this helps me some.

  • johnwills
    johnwills August 20, 2013 at 1:44 am   


  • Anonymous
    Anonymous June 23, 2013 at 10:48 pm   


    Thanks you so much for this ::)))) You sound like a great guy. I always felt bad about myself and told I am no good when I was growing up. Now my two sister in laws do it to me, even though I am a grown woman. iI has gotten so bad that I had to cut them out of my life. I feel much better. I can never understand why people have to put others down all the time. The world would be a much better place if people would lift others up . My husband has horrible self esteem because of his constant belittling he had when he was growing up. His two sisters do it to him also. Thank you again. Are you on medication? I have bipolar from a chemical imbalance in my family. I tried self talk,but it did not work when I had a break down. Take Care :)

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself June 24, 2013 at 2:37 am   

    Hi, and thanks for you comments. No, I'm not on medication. I prefer the more natural approach. Good diet, plenty of excercise and fresh air and also spending more time and surrounding myself with positive friends and family.

    I also find doing what you love and following your passions make a huge difference to your overall happiness levels.

    Hope this helps,

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous June 23, 2013 at 10:47 pm   


    Thanks you so much for this ::)))) You sound like a great guy. I always felt bad about myself and told I am no good when I was growing up. Now my two sister in laws do it to me, even though I am a grown woman. iI has gotten so bad that I had to cut them out of my life. I feel much better. I can never understand why people have to put others down all the time. The world would be a much better place if people would lift others up . My husband has horrible self esteem because of his constant belittling he had when he was growing up. His two sisters do it to him also. Thank you again. Are you on medication? I have bipolar from a chemical imbalance in my family. I tried self talk,but it did not work when I had a break down. Take Care :)

  • NLy10Me4
    NLy10Me4 June 18, 2013 at 1:04 am   

    I used to actively hate myself…I couldn't change my thought patterns to positivity. I wouldn't believe and I felt like a fool telling myself something that I "so much" didn't believe. So I learned to recognize self hate affirmations and would mentally say in my head "I'm neutral". Every time I heard the negative thoughts…I would at the least, replace the thought with a neutral thought about myself. It's a lot of work, being self aware all the time. Eventually, with the help of my therapist and a support group…I start throwing a few positive thoughts in w the neutral self talk. Some things are easier to be positive about than others. I respected and trusted my therapist…and if she said I was ok well then maybe I was wrong and I wasn't really that "bad" of a person. I was negative then actively replaced the negative self talk with neutral talk…once that felt normal I was open minded enough to try a few positive thoughts about myself. I started to believe it…suddenly my neutral to positive thoughts felt true. I worked very hard (yrs) to change my thought patterns and am proud that I had learned to treat myself w respect. I finally realized that I deserved to feel better…I didn't have to express all my pain by beating myself up. I DESERVED to feel better…I was hardly the worst person in the world and I was working to change those things I didn't like. I had done some reprehensible acts during my drinking and cutting. I should be in jail…but I learned that I have done some terrible things , I felt remorse, then I forgave myself. Bad judgement does not define me. But as a warning to any who try or are trying to change your thought patterns…you must be vigilant. I went thru another hard patch and I let go of my training. Now I'm starting almost from the beginning again. It can be done and I DESERVE to love myself…which I really don't love myself right now…it's back to neutral thoughts again. It really does work…if u spend half as much energy on changing sell defeating thoughts as I did in hating myself…it can be done and it's worth it. I'm worth it.

  • jessegirl26
    jessegirl26 April 20, 2013 at 6:23 pm   

    Very nice and much appreciated !!

  • dee82
    dee82 April 12, 2013 at 6:56 pm   

    Love this! Has really made my day & makes me believe this dark hole I'm in wont always be so dark :)

  • vampireza
    vampireza December 24, 2012 at 7:45 am   

    Thank u

  • bennybummed
    bennybummed December 23, 2012 at 11:54 am   

    Wow that's a good story!!!! It is possible

  • IloveGoldens
    IloveGoldens December 3, 2012 at 2:45 am   

    I wish i could like myself

  • LonesomeDove76
    LonesomeDove76 October 2, 2012 at 8:08 am   

    Not ALL depression is chemical, very often its because of "bad programming" and its common knowledge that mental illnesses are misdiagnosed quite often. The things this guy is saying, it works! Its all about reprogramming your thinking process. Its been proven to work. Ever heard of quantum physics? Look into it, its very enlightening. There are loads of documentaries on the subject (netflix has some available for instant viewing) and there is lots of information on the subject via search engine. Have you ever read "The Secret"? People that deal with depression should read it, and learn how to reprogram their thoughts. It has worked for me, and it wasn't easy to start, but I sure do smile a lot more now and outlook on life in general has improved by leaps and bounds. I love myself for the first time in my life. If you aren't in control of your thoughts, your thoughts will control you. Anyone that truly wants to be happy, you have nothing to lose by giving this an honest effort and STICK WITH IT!! Its taken me probably 3 years to change things for myself, I have a long way to go, but at least I'm getting somewhere and I no longer take "chemicals" to be stable. 20 years of severe depression and suicidal tendencies, finally I feel free and empowered. My circumstances in life have not improved, my circumstances have possibly declined actually, but my thinking and my outlook are looking better everyday. :) Thank you for sharing such a positive story, I hope there are others out there that can benefit by this, its works people. Smile, laugh, compliment, be thankful, stop and smell the flowers.

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself October 2, 2012 at 2:34 pm   

    Fantastic post, LonesomeDove76, It's really nice to hear from someone with the same outlook, who really 'gets it'!

    I remember being really sceptical at first and like you rightly say, it takes time and you have to stick with it, but like anything in life, nothing good ever comes quick or easy, it takes hard work and PERSISTENCE.

    I also agree that everyone should read or watch 'The Secret' it may seem like such a simple concept, but it really works… I'm really happy that this has had a positive effect on your life too.

    Keep up the great work…


  • upndownboi
    upndownboi October 2, 2012 at 6:58 am   

    Very inspiring :) I try to positive self talk but it always feels like sand slipping out of my hands-I can do it for a moment but it seems impossible to hold onto unless I'm using all my concentration to stay with the positive thought

  • melancholyy
    melancholyy July 27, 2012 at 10:31 pm   

    I would love to know where you are today and to see how this positive talk has made you into the man you are today!

  • missyking
    missyking September 24, 2012 at 11:24 am   


  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself July 28, 2012 at 1:57 pm   
    Edited October 2, 2012 at 2:35 pm by Learning To Love Yourself

    Hi melancholyy, thanks for your reply… : )

    Well, today I've just got back from London after going to watch the Olympics! I live in the UK and I'm a big cycling fan and went to watch the Road Race with my step-dad. Was a really good day, (and a good example of doing things that I never would have before) we got a pretty decent view 500meters from the finish (of a 150 mile race!) and was opposite Buckingham Palace! I've posted a few pics in my profile for anyone who's interested…

    With regards to other things, I've done tons of stuff I've always wanted to do. Been places I've always wanted to go. And have better relationships with love ones and friends (and have mad more friend) all in the past two years. I've just been for a designers job on a motorbike magazine (which I'm pretty confident of getting, should find out next week. Fingers crossed!

    All round, life is going much, much better and I can honestly say, I'm 100 times happier. This is not ALL down to positive self-talk, but it has certainly helped a great deal after 27 years of negative self-talk (I'm now 29).

    Hope this answers your question a bit! : )


  • Te dua
    Te dua April 10, 2013 at 9:04 am   


  • melancholyy
    melancholyy July 29, 2012 at 9:05 am   

    This is absolutely amazing! keep aiming high and I keep wishing you that nothing but the best in life surrounds you! :)

  • caseyhascootieso.o
    caseyhascootieso.o July 13, 2012 at 8:58 pm   

    This was amazing and inspiring. I wish you and everyone else the best of luck in the future :).

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself July 15, 2012 at 8:07 am   

    Thank you, and the same to you… : )

  • 4evayoung
    4evayoung April 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm   

    One word : inspiring!

  • lonely girl in ksa
    lonely girl in ksa March 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm   

    Wow so amaze

  • robertoj
    robertoj November 23, 2011 at 4:02 am   

    I have come to the same conclusion. I read The Power of Positive Thinking over 35 years ago. It made a lot of sense intellectually however, I could not make the connection n my life. After decades of pain, depression, poor decisions, and alcohol and drug addiction I got into rehab (to stay out of jail). I tried to look like I was in recovery (I wasn't really) but I discovered that I really needed recovery. That was 11 years ago and I have been sober since then. I had joined AA and was told to work with others; I began to handle life better. But I still suffered from severe depression. I also suffered from asthma, RA and chronic pain. I later learned that I had hep C and diabetes. I did everything my doctor told me (for diabetes) and got very good results. I researched diabetes and learned a lot from various sites. I get newsletters in my inbox daily. One was Diabetic Connect; I decided to use what I learned in AA and used my experiences to help support others. I then joined other connect sites. Even though I had not had an episode of depression in months I was afraid to join this site. I ha realized that I was depression free because I was totally being positive. Well as things seem to happen in my life I had a series of physical setbacks but I managed to stay positive. A friend pointed out that I could be "reasonably" happy no matter what the circumstance and it stayed on my mind. Three weeks later I had my worst setback (I couldn't walk at all) and I got frustrated and then a tiny miracle occurred (I remembered that I could be "reasonably" happy no matter what the circumstance. Later that day I checked my email I came across a Depression Connect newsletter and read a discussion that I just had to reply to and I found that I can feel the pain without getting depressed and I've been active since.

  • My1vendetta
    My1vendetta November 23, 2011 at 4:11 am   

    Thank you for sharing that… Thats Great way to look at things… Congrats on your recovery… i think i have to gget involved alot more w AA / NA again… I got away from meeting way too much… And reading your comment reminded me of the entire different outlook i had on life… The serenity thank you

  • robertoj
    robertoj November 23, 2011 at 11:26 am   

    Applying the steps to my life has had more impact than I thought possible.

  • middle
    middle November 23, 2011 at 8:07 am   

    I did inpatient for alcohol and it helped, but didn't help my depression. I have a therapist and meds and each day I wake up I say "Thank-you" Each day now I find one positive thing about myself, despite my depression. I find that I like me as a person and the other mental health issues will work out. I am a friendly, kind, loving person. My motto is that true beauty comes from within. If you don't like yourself you can't do the other things. We are all beautiful, caring people. Just each day say "I am a good person."

  • anotherlevel
    anotherlevel November 22, 2011 at 9:45 am   

    This amazing. I feel better already knowing that simple steps such a changing your thoughts to be more positive can have such a great impact on your life.

    I used to be a very positive person and side things have got difficult it's all gone down the drain. This post has given me the push I needed to stay on track and be positive and confident in myself. Thank you. This app is great bdw. :-)

  • middle
    middle November 22, 2011 at 10:51 am   

    This is something I need to do is change my thoughts and get out of the house. Will you be my friends?

  • SteveKim
    SteveKim November 22, 2011 at 9:38 am   

    Yes I can! Yes, you also can! Yeah!~ we all can do everything we love to do! Wow
    Thank you for good posting lol you look handsome too

  • Christieinez
    Christieinez October 29, 2011 at 11:28 pm   

    Thank you for sharing this! I am currently work through positive self talk and I'm having a rough start but I know it takes time.

  • bowenmagic
    bowenmagic September 10, 2011 at 6:27 am   

    You have inspired me Ricci! I'm gonna try my best to be positive in everything!

  • adrian999
    adrian999 June 16, 2011 at 10:08 am   

    This is beyond cool and very enlighten. I believe that positive thinking does create positive things and negative creates bad things. I know that for the depressed mind that seems hard. I will let you on a secret that I learned in high school. I use to record my lessons in a tape recorder and play it while I am asleep. You will be amazed how much you can remember while asleep. Maybe the idea I am proposing is to make a CD with positive thoughts and play it before you go to sleep. We are living in such in a beautiful age with all the tech out there, like smart phones and IPods.

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself June 16, 2011 at 1:34 pm   

    Great idea adrian999 - like you say, we are so privileged to live in the amazing modern tech world that we do - i might have to try that myself. Thanks! : )

  • bowenmagic
    bowenmagic September 10, 2011 at 6:25 am   

    Did you find it helpful? Cause ive got some self-help audiobooks that I'm contemplating to play whilst I'm sleeping.

  • adrian999
    adrian999 September 10, 2011 at 1:01 pm   

    I didn't do that, I changed and came up with a better idea to me. I will listen to music of the world, some call it mediation or new age. Music that is calm, even sounds of nature like the ocean. I have notice that when I wake up, I am in a good mood. If I don't listen to it, my mind is in bad mood. I will advice you to try all kind of things and see what works for you. Since everyone mind is unique. I have said this many time that the mind is vast as the universe. I am done with this awful thing called depression. The good thing about it, it makes you reach deeper into ways of getting well. So be well and always be free.

  • Taylor4s
    Taylor4s May 25, 2011 at 12:19 am   

    How often did u engage in self talk? Did u find talking out loud helped, writing, reading, mantra?

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself May 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm   
    Edited May 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm by Learning To Love Yourself

    I engage in self-talk everyday!

    Most people do! They just don't realize that most of the time they are being negative and beating themselves up…

    Your subconscious mind is always sending your warnings and making judgements of dangers, situations, decisions, etc from past experiences and memories… and you will often find yourself engaging in self-talk without even realizing! So, I just try to make most of my self-talk positive.

    I do find that sometimes, when alone, just saying positive affirmations and saying good things about yourself and praising yourself for a good decision or even if you've just cooked yourself a nice meal, just say "good job" and all this builds up and adds to your confidence.

    I also use positive self-talk through out the day, when at work or out in public situations. And again, it really does help.

    I hope this makes sense… Any questions, please just ask and i'll be happy to help.

    I certainly recommend positive self-talk. My confidence has gone through the roof and i'm no longer nervous or fearful or anxious, etc - i have complete control of my emotions - it really feels great. Give it a try, i hope you get the same positive results.

    All the best,


  • Taylor4s
    Taylor4s May 26, 2011 at 9:47 am   

    Thanks for your reply. I find it very difficult to consciously and unconsciously do pos self talk. I've been trying to find a routine to do it, I think saying it outloud helps..,.?! My brain is stubborn, for me to engage in pos talk i have to stop what I'm doing which I find annoying and frustrating… Thoughts?

  • Taylor4s
    Taylor4s May 26, 2011 at 9:48 am   

    I mean I have to stop whatever activity I'm doing so that I can practice self talk.

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself May 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm   

    It does take time at first, but its easy once you get used to doing it every day.

    I'd try and corporate it in to your daily routine so that you get used doing it every day if possible…

    First thing in the morning when you wake up is the most important part of your day and often sets your mood. I read recently that your brain is most susceptive to ideas and thoughts in the first hour after you wake up, so it might be good to try then if you can.

    Hope this helps…


  • steadb
    steadb August 31, 2011 at 9:46 pm   

    Thanks. This is a very big point.

  • Bruce Royer
    Bruce Royer May 12, 2011 at 10:33 am   

    Ricci, Great article. You mentioned the positive self talk. Can you share with us your program, what we can do, the books that have helped, etc. etc. Bruce

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself May 13, 2011 at 9:22 am   
    Edited May 13, 2011 at 9:29 am by Learning To Love Yourself

    Hi Bruce, thanks for your kind words.

    Sure, here's just a few of the books and programs that have really helped me and changed my thinking and beliefs for the better. I no longer have confidence issues or self belief issues and I put that down to the reading/listening to the following…

    The Psychology of Achievement - By Brian Tracy (CD Audio) This will help you get the right positive mind set/belief system in place. You will feel you can achieve anything after listening to this!)

    Think and Grow Rich - By Napoleon Hill (a classic book that still stands true today - read this if nothing else - this is a fantastic book that will help you with your 'mindset' and explains how some of the most successful, and happy people in history think, and how they made a success of their lives (nearly ALL of them from a very poor start in life) - you can pick up a copy on Amazon for just a few dollars…)

    How To Turn Words Into Money - By Ted Nicholas (Book - this last book Is mainly a business book but it does have some great stuff on positive self talk… I recently read this because I'm starting my own business, but I still recommend to everyone)

    Hope this helps : )


  • Beth.Anne
    Beth.Anne May 12, 2011 at 9:33 am   

    I'm in a bad space in my head…Trying to get through medical school…Without any support emotionally… I need help!!!! Going to counseling… I NEED ALOT of
    POSITIVE ENERGY from People… Send it my way…
    Thanks and have a great day…

  • livelovelaugh07
    livelovelaugh07 May 12, 2011 at 8:38 am   

    Ricci, What book is this? Please share!!!!

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself May 13, 2011 at 9:28 am   
    Edited May 13, 2011 at 9:28 am by Learning To Love Yourself

    The book I mentioned above 'How To Turn Words Into Money - By Ted Nicholas' is a great business book from Ted, who when a young man aged 21 (he is now in his 60's/70's) was $96,000 in debt and went on to become a MILLIONAIRE starting and selling countless businesses. He is now known as the '$7 BILLION DOLLAR MAN' because he has generated that much through his own businesses and through helping other companies.

    It is mainly a self-business book, but there is some great content about 'positive self talk' and how he controls his positively and achieved all of this success because of it!


  • Bonita P
    Bonita P March 6, 2011 at 8:39 am   

    I AM A TRUE BELIEVER IN SELF-TALK. I went to theropy and cognative theropy works you just have to tell yourself over and over again you are worthy, you are good enough, you do have some kind of talent, My animals love me so I can't be all that bad of a person, My grandson loves me too. I may not be the prettiest but I am not the ugliest person in the world. There are things I can do that others can't and that makes me sort of special. Instead of concentrating on the things wrong with me I will think of the good things even if it is only one or two things good. This is how I use self talk when the negative thoughts creep in good wins over bad just try hard to think of the good. BonitaP

  • Sammie Jones
    Sammie Jones March 5, 2011 at 6:18 pm   

    I am so happy for you! I wish that everyone could use positive self talk the way that you have been doing for the past couple of years! I know I am the happiest when I have high self esteem and confidence in myself and my future. It is so wonderful that you have turned your life around and you are the one in control. What business are you starting?

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself March 6, 2011 at 11:17 am   

    Hey Sammie!
    Thank you very much! I agree, It's amazing what you can achieve when you are positive and have confidence and high self esteem… I'm starting my own business selling info products that help people achieve their goals, improve their lives and make them feel better about themselves. I.e - how to lose weight, make more money, etc, etc…

    I find it fulfilling helping other people and have also found that if you help other people out and give, the world has a great way of paying you back giving you what you want…

    Take care


  • Sammie Jones
    Sammie Jones March 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm   

    Hey Ricci!
    I am so happy for you! Your business sounds so wonderful! I do believe that what goes around comes around. I know that I feel more fulfilled and happy when I help others in little ways…just as you do. I hope you have a great rest of your day!

  • AuntieBear
    AuntieBear March 1, 2011 at 12:13 am   

    I have an extremely hard time doing the self-talk thing. Mostly because my self-esteem is so low that I have a hard time believing anything positive about me.

  • Surfin1973
    Surfin1973 February 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm   

    Interesting. The people who study and handle the business of those of us who suffer from mental illness and its daily challenges clap and applaud and cheer when they hear a 'sufferer' say something clinical and perhaps 'helpful'… but still if its the same crap they spend a few minutes telling you about on your journey its all whoo hoo and whooptie doo. When you SUFFER from whatever and have heard all this… like ME… I find myself skimming through it looking for yah/advice or whatever but find I have heard all this before and it really does NOT change anything for anyone who is gripped in the darkness of a hard core depression. I have read many 'posts'. Seems to be a pattern. Sugar coat and placate? Accolades and cheers. Be serious and actually have an issue? Crickets. Silence. No likes. No feedback. Maybe… talk to your counselor about that or check into anger management. Oh shut up! Where are the people who tell the cold hard truth? Those people need to add me to their friend lists. I can't stand the rubber stamps of the placating professionals. Puke. Same goes for the people who have gone to therapy so long they are warped. Whatever.

  • Bonita P
    Bonita P March 6, 2011 at 8:57 am   

    I feel like you do sometimes sometimes I don't even want to talk on the phone so I let it ring. I feel so bad that I come to this web site to see if I can find someone who is feeling like I am. I used to go to counseling but, everytime I got used to the person they would quit and I would have to start over so I finally quit and I am on my own now thats why I joined this web site. I use the self-talk stuff and sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn't. I have not had a happy day since I've joined and most of the time I am just Okay. I have issues I just try to keep them pushed down as deep as I can because I cry if I think too much so, I try to be positive. I don't know if theropy warped me or if I was already warped…BonitaP.

  • BandonBob
    BandonBob February 28, 2011 at 11:30 am   

    Great article thanks for sharing. For myself I add two things that also help but are very difficult to achieve. First I live in today. I don't look at the past and worry about the things I can't change Secondly Although I make future plans like a vacation or something I don't start enjoying them until they enter into the today zone. One of the smartest things told me was from the captain of my ship when I was in the Coast Guard. He said that using the best information possible you make your decision and never look back.

  • Surfin1973
    Surfin1973 February 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm   

    I like the 'difficult to achieve' part… that is what I am talking about. SOUNDS lovely. How do I seriously apply this butterflies and rainbow BS in a world that toxically kills the butterflies in my world? hahahahah

  • jrose3
    jrose3 April 26, 2011 at 11:23 pm   

    It takes alot of effort to change perspective, and for me, I think I had to open myself to understanding principles of cognitive distortion. People such as myself whom have spent years seeing the dark, or the glass half full, need to work really hard to recondition the internal self talk and fight it constantly. For me, what made me realize this was trying to journal the thoughts and use some simple cognitive tools to assess where the emotional thinking was coming from. When you have self talk going on all the time like "I suck", it takes alot of effort to pull yourself out and say, "I tell myself that I suck, but people around me don't. Why is that?" or "maybe I could have done better on this project, but it doesn't mean I suck". You need to constantly challenge the inner voice, and for me, the more I work around the self talk, the more I realize it is thought pattern that can actually be trained and changed. My therapist refers to it as "flexing the positivity muscle". I am weak, but I am trying to make this muscle stronger because most of my negativity actually comes from inside, my interpretation of events in my life, and some frustration I have about achieving the artificial and unrealistic status of "success".

    But that's just me. I've tried alot of things and so far, this approach appeals to my rational side because I believe the brain is plastic and thought patterns can be influenced by activities & behaviors as well as chemicals and food.

  • rixter414
    rixter414 February 17, 2011 at 9:07 pm   

    Ricci, I have a job interview tomorrow, and have been on edge with anxiety about it. Of course there's the negative self-talk… but your words of wisdom, and experience are really helping me to calm down and focus. Thank you!

  • Learning To Love Yourself
    Learning To Love Yourself February 18, 2011 at 3:04 pm   

    Hi Ric,
    No worries! I'm really pleased to have helped you - be sure to let us know how you get on with your job interview. I'm sure it will go great for you… Good luck!

  • solitude
    solitude January 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm   

    This was very inspiring. However, Depression, Bipolar and other mental illnesses are a true chemical imbalance in the brain. I tried self talk when I first got diagnosed with Bipolar and it did not work for me. Thank you though for writing the article . I was told at a young age that I wouldn't succeed and I was dumb. This wasn't true. I feel self talk is excellent with improving a person's self esteem.

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