Ruminating… Looping… Spiraling... Downward.

I do not speak about what happens to me alot, I trust a few but I realized that it is an essential thing since I started to open up

Thanks to u I found this application in my I phone I am in Saudi working so happy to read this god bless to u I will be ur one follower

How do you do that? "don't take it personal? That would be the key to my problems. I am constantly "ruminating" did not know the proper name for it but I hate to admit I find myself doing just that. Sadly… daily . Help!!

I do the same. But more like hourly! Perhaps we can help each other?!

JUst did this this past week I overanalyze and talk myself into a poor me mode which adds to my depression. I am learning new ways to deal with this with my therapist.

Hmmm I ruminate way too much, especially when I'm depressed :(

I was driving in my car the other day and I was listening to the radio that for some reason was a trigger to ruminate on a situation that occurred earlier that day. Someone once suggested to me to keep on yelling at yourself to "not go there" and try to distract yourself with other thoughts. It happens to be that that wasnt really working out to well that day, and it just happens to be that it was the first time i was trying out the rubber band trick to stop cutting - so i just kept snapping the rubber band and i guess the combo of the two really worked out well for me

This is what I've been trying to give a name to all these years..others have said that it's ADD/ADHD…anyway, this has had a huge impact on me already, in a very positive way, and gives me some hope that I too might be able to change my thoughts. All the therapists and doctors always said just change the way you're thinking…well, it's not that easy when you constantly have all these negative thoughts flowing into your head. I would always think that it was a bunch of crap. I could not possibly change the way I was thinking. But I realized that you might have the thoughts there, but acknowledge them and change them around into more positive thoughts.
I'm still not on the right meds though. I've recently lost my job and boyfriend, because of my depression. I can't even go to the store to get groceries, let alone go Christmas shopping. I sleep as much as possible to try and forget about everything I ruminate about. But that just causes more stress, because nothing is getting done. I feel like I'm trying to dig myself out of quicksand or being sucked down by a whirlpool and I can't swim hard enough.
Regardless of the situations in my life, this depression is keeping me down. Maybe I'll start by trying to change my thoughts, which sometimes seems impossible. I'll try to stay positive :-)
Thanks Dr. Gary…this post helped a lot, it gives me hope :-)

Def did this last night haven't slept all night, but my problem is way bigger bec I'm dealing with someone that puts me in this state whenever he wants to be a jerk which has gotte better but when it's bad it's just a mess, and all I do is try to find a solution I play it in my head over and over again and makes me feels sad and ready to jump off a bridge, I'm normally the happiest go lucky person u will ever meet and I never let my past experiences change me for the worst but having to play the negative in ur mind time after time and then go from happy to sad to depressed to suicidal it just sucks bad!

I ruminate almost every day.

I like this BUT I feel (as many professionals do) that 12 step programs have cult like belief systems and set people up to fail i.e. powerlessness, one mistake - start over mentality, and higher power/spiritualism vs self empowerment. But thank you for the rest if the good advise.

I am a recovering alcoholic, and attend AA. but most of what I do is say the sereniy prayer. Now I'm workin with a therapist to change my negative tapes. The 12 steps work for a lot of people, you just have to find the right group. My higher power is my granddaughter who keeps me sober. Carol

hmm - 'rumination – going over the same negative situation over and over – in a loop that never ends' - something my mind will do at night when I'm in bed (after I've read my 'coasting down book', the light is out and I've started my pm prayer - 'Bingo! rumination kicks in (annoying to say the least).

I had thought this was somewhat due to not having someone to 'share my day with' as I did when my husbands were living (though I'd literally talk them to sleep) lol -

My bucket list of things to get around this 'habit' are:

Get up and read more

Give it to God
(if it's an issue I'm trying to resolve)

Add it to my journal
or any piece of paper as on paper
it can 'get cold' and I can read it
and reflect on it later
- often tossing it.

Sometimes I just give in and draw!
either with my computer or with
my 'art toys'

thanks, Dr. Gray (great topic)

I've never knew what ruminating was; although, I have heard the term. I have spent a great deal of my life doing it. The last time I did this was six months ago which coincidentally (or not) was about the same time of my last bout of depression. It was also the time that I figured out that I could use my past mistakes to help others and develop a positive outlook.

Hey Roberto,

I think that we ALL spend a lot of time ruminating, it is human nature. But recognizing where it is helpful and where, more likely, it is not, is a step toward breaking out of destructive thought patterns. And you're right. We have the power to accept our mistakes, learn from them, and then leave them behind and move forward with our lives. Onward and upward!

Thanks!

Gary

Than you. Of course I still do some but not for very long. I have developed a level of awareness that reminds me when I begin to completely lose my serenity.

Thank you for putting a label on what I've been feeling. I have been diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety, ADD, Fibromyalgia and Sleep Apnea. I have several rumination episodes thoughout the day. The time it bothers me the most, is when I'm trying to sleep. I take two very strong sleeping aids and have an extra one as a PRN. I spoke to my psychiatrist who is treating me for the depression and in an around the bout way, also treating me for my anxiety and fibro. He has referred me to a psychiatrist that specializes in Anxiety disorders and has adjusted my meds, to see if it will help reduce my rumination episodes.

Thank you again for posting this very informative article.

Omer

HI Omer!

Nice to hear from you. Thanks for replying. I am glad to hear this was helpful. I know you are dealing with multiple diagnoses. Glad to hear that you have what sounds like a good team, and that they are watching over you carefully. As you know, this is a process.

I appreciate your kind words!

Take care,

Gary

Ruminating is my stand MOA (Method of action). After 33 years of marriage, my wife left me, taking my son with her. My heart is filled with love for both of them, but because I tried to take my life when the pain of this depression was unbearable any longer, my wife took it as a personal attack against her. I have decided to let her live a less stressfull life without me around. My life seems so empty now - I have no friends, my son visits me for an hour or two every week, and the only woman I loved wants nothing to do with me. Rumination is my only consolation.

Wow Slider…, that aloneness is so deafening. And unless a person has experienced the pain of depression, and other issues that often accompany it…, they have no clue.

Many of us are alone in our misery because others take our illness so personally. Or they chose to believe it is a choice, and we chose "it" over them. What those outside of our depressive reality don't understand is, none of us would chose such illness. It is in the brain, and therefore colours everything in our lives. Those of us who are strong enough, seek help and follow through with treatment. Many are not as lucky, and the disease carries them out of their lives, and into perpetual despair.

I use to be told constantly that I was such a bright and intelligent individual. This caused a lot of issues for me because I felt that if that were true, I should be able to figure it all out, hike up my boots, and carry on as if nothing had happened. But the reality for many of us is that depression, and the other issues that can go with it defines us us a person. Even when we know that really isn't the truth. Our reality is OUR reality, and no one else's. So it is no wonder that from the outside of the disease, people just cannot figure out how you cannot control it, or that they themselves cannot control it. It is such a baffling disease. It literally sucks life from those that suffer, as well as those close to those that are ill.

I don't think there is anything more painful than losing those you love, and care deeply for because they take your disease personally. And that is unfortunately THEIR ISSUE. Remember, we have no control over anyone, or anything but ourselves.

I wish for you, hope, peace, some understanding, and the return of joy in your heart.

There are so many of us out here who DO understand.

Be well, and best wishes!! ((Hugs))

Bindi
(Bindifer)

I think I understand how you feel in some way. I have always been told I am creative and very intelligent and charming(when I want to be) but feel that I am defined by my depression. My depression and anxiety cause me to say things that are harsh at times and rub people the wrong way. Or I will avoid connecting with people and so in the end, my intelligence, creativity and compassionate heart are overshadowed by my depression.

Hi Bindi,

This is beautful, so full of honesty and wisdom. Perception is reality, our own peception, that is, and the reaity that we create as a result of our perceptions. But we can change the way we think.

To me, that is one of the biggest challenges of depression, and also a way out of it.

I appreciated having the opportunity to read your thoughts here.

Gary

Hi slider,

I don't know how I missed this replay! It's been a long time since March. How are you doing?

I understand what you mean here. You have a lot of memories, and I suspect that the memories keep you company in a way. I am sorry to hear that you don't have your wife and son with you, and that your life feels so empty.

How are you doing these days? Please check in when you have a chance.

Gary

That's the first time I hear about rumination. That explained everything to me, I always ruminate everything experience that i have. I remember when I was a child, I though I could really change things ruminating all. Now, I'm a depressive person and I want to know if is part of the depression this: I just recently remember when I was a child I had some powers, maybe it could sounds a little strange but truly I can't remember if that was true or that just was a common dream… Because I remember I could change place's things
without move my hands just like if u could emerge a kind of radiation… Maybe this is something that I had to tell to my psych… 'Cuz sometimes I feel I could do that but I don't remember how it work..

Hi Arita,

Thanks for posting. Glad I could share some information with you. Definitely worth talking to your psychiatrist about.

Take care!

Gary

I've always had a hard time with rumination. What has helped for me is meditating on a regular basis. When you meditate, it makes you aware of when thoughts arise in your mind, with more practice, you'll start to notice thoughts coming up in your everyday life. When you are able to notice that you're ruminating and cycling through destructive thoughts, you can stop them. So before you can stop the cycle of rumination, you have to be able to recognize you're doing it.

HI!

Meditation is a fantastic way to help stop the rumination cycle. You said it so well. You recognize what's going on, and how, and that is a great stating point for change.

I always say that rumination brings you into your life, helps you to see what's going on, so that your mind doesn't have to control you.

Thanks!!!

I can relate to this, I am almost constantly going over and over several painfull, hurtfull situations in my life down to the last detail. I can't seem to stop or controll it, I've tried and I've tried but still I find myself doing this. It seems to control me, I knjow I need to put the past behind me but it's just so hard…

It is hard to leave the past in the past, especially when you have memories of tims that when you were hurt. It doesn't make sense but still, we want to try to make sense out of it. That's human nature. Remind yourself that the past is in the past, but also focus on what's good in the present moment. What's working in your life right now? Who's there for you? Who are you there for? And what important life lessons have you learned (even if you learned them painfully)? This takes time, it's a process.

Ugh…yes…I ruminate all the time. Partially to try and figure things out that have no explanation, so I need to learn to let that go probably. So much real abuse in my life that it is tempting to try and figure out WHY?. That's a toughie. But I extend it to work situations, etc. I think for me, prayer and rumination have become intertwined, which isn't good…need to work on that.

Anyway, thanks for the excellent post! I'll ruminate on it…lol…

Hi

Sorry I didn't see your note earlier!

Yor're right, it's all about learning to let go. But it's a process, and it takes some time. Go easy on yourself, practice consciously telling yourslf that the past is in the past. Focus on making the best of the present moment. Keep supportive people around you who can help you to stay grounded.

And thank you for your kind words! (Tha'ts what I will ruminate about.)

Stay in touch!

Thanks. This was good info. I think what I need to do is focus on good things so I won't even start rumination. This happens with me all the time. Good things, bad things, and some things are just neutral (kinda random, not good, not bad).

You are welcome. Glad it was helpful. We can choose how we react to all of things that come up, keeping in mind what we can control and what we can't. Focusing on the good things is a great way to keep more centered. Thank you, James.

I usually act like nothing is wrong, only to end up mulling things over and over in my mind. I toss and turn, lose sleep, lose interest in things that I usually find entertaining, experience appetite fluctuations… I obsess over negative situations and hurtful things that are said to me to the point of not being able to function properly.. I think too fast and feel too much.. or so it seems…
Recenty, I have started "writing it all out".. I've started journaling, writing down my thoughts, jotting down notes/quotes that help me identify what's going on in my head and heart.. I find that it helps to get it out in the open, to get it out of me and on paper- where it no longer can eat away at me..
It's nice to have a term (rumination) for what I go through, for what I always end up doing.. I just thought it was part of who I am, seeing as how I've always done this. I'm trying to break the pattern of self torture, but it's not easy… old habits die hard, I guess..
Thanks for sharing your insight.. I really enjoyed reading this post.

Why is your name wake up exhausted? That's how I also wake up every day despite sleeping ten hours. I am taking pristique but this is not what is causing it. Any advice? Are you getting better? Yes writing a journal does make you stronger.

No matter how many hours I sleep at night (it ranges from 2-6 hours usually) I always wake up feeling tired, as if my body just isn't getting the rest it needs.. one of my favorite songs is Wake Up Exhausted by Tegan & Sara.. the first time I heard it, I thought "Wow, that song is so me"…

I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I take Trazadone to help with my insomnia, but I still only get about 4-6 hours of sleep every night.. Recently, I have started doing relaxation techniques, trying to control my breathing.. guided meditation helps me fall asleep sometimes.. so does calming music. My issue is my mind, and my stress levels.. I can't turn off my mind or stop worrying/thinking long enough to calm down and drift off to sleep..

I've tried Ambein and OTC sleeping pills.. nothing has really worked for me yet, not even what I'm taking now.. I guess I've gotten a little better.. I used to go days without sleeping.. now I sleep a little each night.. I'm talking to my therapist about it. I don't know what else to do.. I'm thankful for any amount of sleep/rest I can get, you know?

I used to have a huge problem falling asleep as well, spending hours ruminating or thinking up elaborate dream scenarios to drown out the constant stream of random thoughts from my brain. Since i was a child it has taken me at least an hour to fall asleep each night. I too felt like my brain had no off switch. I didn't realize that this was NOT normal until I got diagnosed with depression and started taking meds. At first just the meds didn't help too much with sleeping, but after adding a sleeping pill (zopicone) I now fall asleep easily most nights. The meds act not exactly like an off switch but more a slow motion function (so I'm not bombarded by a million thoughts and ideas at once) or lowering the volume, but to me it feels like an off switch.
There are still times when I have trouble sleeping, especially if I have anxiety about something happening the next day. In those times I turn to relaxation and deep breathing or read in bed for a little while. I also have my DS or PSP by my bed and play mind puzzles for a little while to help my eye lids droop.

I also have trouble sleeping, so we share that problem. I also work on relaxing better, reading before I go to bed, etc. I also try to avoid taking anything for it. Some nights are more restful than others. My parents didn't sleep well, either. Maybe too much brain activity. But I do find that working on being relaxed before I go to bed does help somewhat.

Hi!

You are welcome. I'm glad this was helpful. And thanks a lot for your post. Some great stuff here.

All human beings ruminate. It is part of how we make sense of situations and learn from them. But some of us are especially sensitive, and rumination can lead us down a dark and winding path.

Journaling is a great idea! It helps you to sort things out, to make sense of your life. And you're right, there is something symbolic about journals. When you write things down on paper, it is like symbolically telling your mind that it doesn't have to spend any more time on mulling over them.

Old habits do die hard, but it sounds like you are making a lot of progress on this one.

Stay in touch!

Gary

Like you said everyone does this I catch myself doing it all the time. I just stop myself and change my train of thought to something else anything else that is positive not negative and tell myself I can not change the past, or anyone else who has done me wrong I can only change myself.

Great strategy. We can monitor our own thoughts and then decide to change our focus, to move forward rather than rehash the past. You're absolutely right. We can't change the past, we were who we were at that time, and we did the best we could under the circumstances. We're always a work in progress. Thanks and have a great day!

i continue to do this daily, i cannot help it but as soon as something goes wrong i replay it over and over and keep thinking about how it is my fault and how i could have avoided it. and if another person is involved i almost ashames as well and that just makes it worse. you discussion is very informative and helps me understnad why i do this

Don't be too hard on yourself. Lots of people share this tendency with you. It's something that a counselor using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could really help you with. It's just a matter of retraining your mind, replacing the negative messages with positive ones, reminding yourself that you don't have to be perfect, that you are doing the best you can, that everything is okay. A therapist who uses CBT could help you with this. Stay in touch!

It has been a very long journey for me but I try to control it now by just acknowledging that I keep rehashing. Then I have to tell myself it's okay, stay calm, you did what you thought was best. I use to go in to panic attacks and anxiety attacks so using my mind and positive self talk has helped. The meds help but I realize now the meds are not 'magic' pills and that's what I expected for the first year or so.

Hi! Great approach. Instead of fighting the tendency to ruminate — which often doesn't work — you join the resistance and go with it, but also gently talk yourself out of the need to ruminate at the same time. That's a great approach. Kind of like "reverse psychology." Sounds like you had some cognitive behavioral therapy along the ay. Meds are helpful, but learning to work with them, by working with yourself, is even better. Thanks! And stay in touch!

I do this often, but I always thought it was called Obsession! I had a Job Situation where I did this. I was actually making myself sick to my stomach when ever I was at work. I finally got out of the situation by leaving my job. I know I did the right thing but this is not always feasible because people need an income ,and jobs these days are hard to come by.

Thank you so much for the insight . You are such a Blessing!

Sorry I missed your note before. I am usually more on top of things. You are welcome! Glad to offer some help — that's a blessing to me, too. Obsession is also a good word for turning the same thought over and over in your mind. Glad you were able to come to a decision that was right for you! Always great to be in touch!

I do this about stupid things…like if I didn't hold the door for someone, or if I flubbed up a word (or a sign if communicating with a deaf friend). Of course, it's the bigger problems too, like if I maybe made the wrong change for a customer, or if I forgot to do something I had promised to do. Sometimes I'll sit there thinking about it, trying to change it in my mind, like that'll make it all better. But, it never seems to change in my mind, at least not for the right reasons…if I do somehow imagine it differently, I usually screw things up worse!
I know I've read the theory from studies that reveals that an individual considers their own mistakes much more than others do, if the others even notice it at all. But, I know what I meant to do or was supposed to do, and its hard to not worry about it. Maybe if I keep thinking about it, I'll do better next time and won't mess things up… I don't know…

Hi!

One thing I might suggest is using some positive self-talk wth yourself. It sounds like you beat yourself up a lot. You might tell yourself:

I don't have to be perfect.

I am doing the best I can.

It is human to make mistakes, and I make them too.

People value me because… (and then remind yourself of your positive qualities).

Here is another idea:

Gather evidence. Make a list of the positive things you have done for other people, your accomplishments that have benefitted others, and what people have thanked you for or complimented you on. When you start to beat yourself up for making a mistake, pull out the list and review it.

Be your own defense attorney and tell that nasty prosecuting attorney banging around in your head that you have heard enough of her for the day. She doesn't have a case!

I hope this helps. You sound like a great person! How do I know? The fact that you are so worried about doing the right thing is all the evidence I need!

So nice to hear from you. Stay in touch!

A very info packed discussion, Dr. Gary. Stuff we all should bear in mind when the 'replay' button gets stuck on the remote to our thinking at times.

I oft times think I've 'finally' been able to loose a reel of 'poop-happened' matter when something else happens right along that same theme and dog gone it if that old reel of dung doesn't suddenly appear in my thinking and tack the new incedent onto the end of that old reel. And, there we go again in that 'replay' loop yet now its gotten even bigger in there in my mind. Sigh… Its not like I don't try to do the types of things in your discussion. I do quite often. I even realize when I've been secretly replaying stuff so I will end up sabatoging events to fit that reel of film and add a new chapter onto to it. Augh!! Part of it I know is I have a great disconnect between my 'intillect' and 'acceptance' or heart if you prefer. I know a whole heck of a lot, I just don't believe any of it, don't accept it, as 'truth' to myself. Intellect, oh yea, knows it, got it, accept it - not on your life. I don't trust others (anyone including family or it seems myself) and think just about anything said, other than what fits my 'historical sound track of self unworth' is a load of bull and a set-up to a 'kid-trap'. Um, yea, I'm 52 and still seeing 'kid-traps' everywhere, geez! My 'intillect' certainally knows what is going on, or does soon after it hears familiar echoes in my thinking, but getting any of that 'knowledge' to take root is something I've not quite found possible yet on a great number of things. I'm still trying too just the same.
Moment to moment, step by step, a mountain can be climbed.

Hi tSquare,

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your wisdom and experiences. You just said a lot.

I understand what you mean about understanding something intellectually but still not knowing how to deal with those pesky feelings that keep cropping up when you run into the right trigger. Those kid traps do reach up and grab us at any age. That's part of being human.

To me, what you said at the end really says it all. moment to moment, step by step. Living in the present, unfettered by alll that baggage from the past, is hard work. It's a process. We open ouselves up to new ways of looking at the world and the people in it. We gather new evidence that disputes the old beliefs and assumptions. We surprise ourselves.

I hope you are being patient with yourself. Someone as wise as you are can't help but be successful!

I keep replaying in my mind everything my husband has done to me and our marriage for the past 8 years. How can you love someone and be living two different lives. There was work Joe, who had to give in to peer pressure and fondle women at work, that lied to me for 8 years, that had perfume on his shirts, and stabbed me in the back for 8 years, betrayed my trust. Then there's the at home Joe who loves his wife and is a good husband. Or so I thought. He claims he always loved me, always will. But to me what kind of love is that? To betray be over and over for 8 years and yet still love me? If that's his idea of love then he can keep it!

HI petals,

Believe me, I understand what you are going through. You experienced a terrible betrayal of trust, and this not something you can simply walk away from and forget happened. That would be unrealistic.

But I would encourage you to talk to someone about this, preferably a mental health professional, if you aren't already. You have experienced a tremendous loss and are grieving both the loss of love and the loss of trust. It could really be helpful to telll this story to an objective listener who can help you to process your feelings and to give you some additional input, and suggest some coping skills that could help you to deal with these thoughts and feelings.

We can't control how other people choose to behave, no matter how incredibly painful their actions can be to us. Over time, your pain will heal. Talking about it, even if you tell the same story over and over, will help that healing process along.

I know I have said it before, but don't go through this alone. And stay close to your friends on Depression Connect. We are here for you.

Thanks for the advice. You are always so helpful. I didn't know until saturday that I was grieving. Then the deep soul racking sobs came out, I cried most of the afternoon and night. But I do feel better. I am seeing someone for this,and I will continue to do so. I need better coping skills and that is what I am working on. Thanks for the support.

…thanks - this is such a needed topic and you are so good at sharing information - I got a lot out of this,

Karol

You are wlecome. Great to hear from you. Hope you had a good weekend.