Nice to see you!
I wasn't quite sure when I read your note, but it sounds like you are in a new relationship. But again, I wasn't quire sure. So I am going to address your question from a couple of different perspectives.
From what you said, it seems that you have have not been feeling very good about yourself, that maybe your self-esteem isn't what it could be. I am sad to hear you refer to yourself as nothing. That's not true. You are a wothwile human being.
Assuming you are in a new relationship, that's good news. I encourage you to take things one step at a time, to take your time in getting to know the person you are dating, but also to make time to spend together. Let yourself have some fun and not shut yourself off from people.
I am also wondering if there might be people who have slipped away that you might get back in touch with. It might be worth a try. As well as looking for some ways to connect with new people. There are always people out there looking to make friends. It's really important to have a strong friendship network. Is it time to put some attention in that area of your life?
Now for your mom… I don't know the situation you are in and I can't advise you as to what you should do. But I do have to ask if you are taking time for yourself, getting rest. Also wondering if you are doing things that you might encourage your mom to do for herself with your support and encouragement. It's really important to take care of yourself, to care for the caregiver.
Also I have to ask if you are getting any counseling. Having an objective person to talk to could really help a lot. You said you were feeling judged. Talking with a counselor could help you get some perspective on how you are feeling about other people, and some new ways to cope.
So again, take good care of yourself, my friend. Do things that make you feel good, that promote your own wellness, that help you to feel good about yourself. Get connected with people. Get support.
Stay in touch with us. Let us know how you are doing. You are not alone.