ellabella8
A:

HI ellabella8,

Nice to see you. And I have to say that this is not the first time I have had this issue brought up with me.

You didn't mention how you came to the conclusion that your partner is living with borderline personality disorder. I am guessing that you did some research on the Internet and learned that their behavior is consistent with the standard symptoms of BPD. I certainly can understand how you might have come to this conclusion.

However, I just need to start by emphasizing that, while there is a lot of great mental health information on the Web, I encourage you to be really cautions about making a diagnosis based on what you have read on the Web. Symptoms that we might associate with BPD might also be symptoms of other diagnoses.

If you have described their symptoms to someone else, and they told you this was a likely diagnosis, I would also encourage you to be cautious about making assumptions.

Only a mental health professional can render a reliable diagnosis, and only after having one or more in-depth discussions with your partner.

So, having said that, how do we get your partner to a mental health professional to have this discussion?

Here are some ideas for how to have this discussion:

Remind your partner of how much you care about them and want the best for them and for your relationship

Tell them you are concerned about how they are feeling emotionally and want to help

Provide a couple of specific, concrete examples of recent behaviors that concerned you and why you were concerned

Tell them that you think they could really benefit from talking to a mental health professional

Offer to help them make a connection with a professional and even go with them

You may meet with initial resistance. If so, try to be patient. As opportunities arise, e.g. when you partner is showing behaviors that concern you, remind them of your care and concern, and again ask if you can help them to get connected with professional help.

What I don't suggest doing is telling your partner what you think their diagnosis is. Beyond "you seem to be really depressed" I don't think it will be helpful to diagnose your partner. Leave that to the professional.

Of course, if there is ever a time when you think your partner is in danger of self-harm or harm to you, call 911 or get your partner to an emergency room immediately.

Take good care of yourself. And keep in touch.

Gary

Answered By Answered by Dr GaryCA
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eenieweenie123@gmailCupcake123
eenieweenie123@gmailCupcake123 November 7, 2016 at 3:32 pm   

If you can get him to test for BiPolar he will be a new person my husband and I have been married for 34 years and until he was twenty he had it and we didn't know it until he got physical with me and I threw him in Jail and they made him take that and Anger Management classes. I told him without them he wasn't comeing home and it made a world of difference. My kids say he makes a better grandpa then he did a dad. Thats how much difference it made it doesn't make him zombie it just balances him out if its to strong just work with the doctors thats what we did. Let me know if you can get him to do it. I'll think about you hope he will do it.

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